I have this habit of writing things and forgetting I wrote them. This morning, I picked up the journal that sits at my bedside table and started flipping through the pages. My first reaction was, I wrote that? When did I write that?
I’m always impressed by my stream-of-consciousness writing… it’s full of insight. The words are rough and uncensored, but they make perfect sense. They remind me that truth resides within, and connecting with the truth always leads to freedom.
That, to me, is the healing power of writing.
Years ago, I quit my TV job (for the first time) and moved to Portland, Oregon. I had all these ideas about what moving across the country would be like… I imagined that such a drastic change, living on the “left coast,” would be the remedy to my unrest. Instead, I experienced an identity crisis, completely fell apart and spent days on the couch battling bouts of depression. I prayed for answers. I waited and waited. And the more time passed, the more I unraveled.
In many ways, I was grieving. I was experiencing the death of the dream. I had made choices that sent me down a path I didn’t plan. I had altered my course in a way that couldn’t be easily reversed.
Before I moved to Portland, I started keeping a journal. On rainy Portland mornings, I would go to the library to check my email (it was 2002, okay?). While there, I browsed the aisles and started checking out books. Books on spirituality, on understanding God’s will, on how to recover when life knocks the wind out of you.
As I navigated the stages of grief, I continued to write. In this process of being stripped down, I was becoming a more authentic version of myself. As I moved towards acceptance, I began to feel lighter. I was on the slow road to healing.
So in many ways, my move cross-country turned out to be exactly what I expected. A remedy to my unrest. Funny how that works.
So what about you? Do you keep a journal? You don’t have to consider yourself a writer to benefit from the healing powers of putting your thoughts and feelings on the page. Your own insights and truth have the power to surprise and heal you, too.
angiemizzell 
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I don’t keep a journal, other than a Gratitude Journal I occasionally remember to write in. For me, my blog seems to be the place where I’m able to work things through. I feel like I can be authentic there, but because others are reading it, I work to keep the words focused. It’s been one of the best things I’ve done for myself and my writing.
I have friends who insist I should do Julia Cameron’s morning pages. Maybe one day. Right now the only have-to’s I can handle in the morning are feeding the dogs and getting a cup of coffee in my hand!
I do journal, a LOT. For awhile my entries were very painful, complaints and self-criticism. While I was suffering and then recovering from PPD, the entries morphed slowly from devastating to hopeful. Now I try to write about my day AND my feelings, processing the whole instead of focusing and elaborating on the stress. I also end every entry with a “favorite things” note– any little moment from the day that made me smile or remember or laugh, anything I didn’t want to forget. Usually it’s about my kids, but sometimes it’s about the lady at the grocery store who gave up her place in line for the mom with 4 screaming kids.
Keeping a journal is such a wonderful way to process all the wild and wonky things in my head. When I stop writing for too long, I know that something’s not right with me and it’s time to take action.
Really enjoying your blog and your HybridMom.com posts.
Angie, I love this post. I have always had some form of journal but the past year & a half or so I’ve been focused on writing in my Diary on a regular and frequent basis. I start every entry (which I call – a letter) with Dear Diary, just like I did when I was little and it has been one of the most incredible, helpful and freeing things I’ve ever done for myself. Some people don’t quite understand why I do it, but I agree with you on all accounts. Writing does help lead you to healing. Thank you again for another wonderful post!
I don’t really keep a personal journal, but do keep different journals for each writing project I might have going on. It’s a good place to jot down ideas and thoughts needed to complete the piece, notes on character development, plots, that sort of thing. And I like itineraries to keep everything scheduled. So I guess those might be a really regimented journal
Joanne, I like that idea. Right now, I put all my thoughts, for everything I’m working on, in one place. Perhaps that’s why I find myself saying, “I wrote that? When did I write that?”
Dawn, I agree about the morning pages. I have tried them and I see the value… but mornings are about coffee and hiding from the kids.
Today, I am also using my blog as a journal… because I have an audience, it forces me to rise above the situation and examine why what I’m saying might be relevant to other people. You’re right… a blog can really encourage authenticity, focus, and perspective.
Oh, journals, one of my favourite subjects! I’m an chronic journal writer. I have notebooks and notebooks of them (of the paper kind). I’ve tried writing them on the computer for easier transportation but I don’t get anything good that way. For the book I’m writing at the moment, my memoir/non-fiction novel, I’ve drawn heavily on these journals. My reaction to a lot of the entries was/is much like yours: “I wrote that??” “Wild and wonky,” yes, like Megan above. Considering also that the journals I’m using for the book chronicle an exploding train wreck, my reaction is also “I did that?” “That happened?” “Ah!” “Holy &%^@%@^!!!” Etc. But – I couldn’t write the book without them, I’m certain of that.
Then there are all the other good uses for journals that you talk about here, like personal growth and moving past grief. Or wallowing in it, if you’re me. I’ve got pages and pages of waaaaaa!!! For me it’s all in one big mish-mash book (at a time). If something in there pops out as useful for a particular project, I’ll highlight it in a certain colour. All my first draft poems come from my journals too. There’s something about sitting down with a pen and paper and no particular goal that encourages them….
Hey, thanks for the sidebar love Angie! I just noticed that.
I’m sorry about your Portland experience! In a number of coincidences that have gone on lately, today I was reflecting on the year that I spent in Vancouver. It rained all the time. I believe that Portland weather is a bit similar….
Angie! I am sooo not a writer, BUT I love to journal…I am wondering if I should put them all in one..I have a prayer journal b/c when I am praying …if I am not writing it down I tend to venture through my mind about what I need to do that day and it helps me stay on task! I do like it so that I can go back and see how God has worked in my life and maybe just what is going on b/c of what I am praying for.
Then I have a Micah/ Carrington journal to write down the things that they say so that I can remember them…to tell them about what they said and what they liked during that time in their lives..it’s not a baby book ..just a notebook..I hope they will be able to read it…the plan is to eventually type it out…and I will one day..:)
Then I have a journal that I write in on what verses are speaking to me while I am doing certain Bible studies…and certain phrases or verbage to copy from them…
OK..sorry about going on and on…but I love that you went to Portland…because I am with you on that is exactly where you were suppose to be at that time to be who you are now…even if at the time it was “depressing”!!! I love to read what you write…even if I can’t comment all the time b/c just as I am finishing…one of my precious ones may be calling..but I know you understand this! Love you! C
I do morning pages, a sort of journal, but really just stream of consciousness writing…three pages every morning of just stuff, off the top of my head. I’m consistently amazed at all the ideas, inspiration, light bulb moments I have when I’m scratching out those words. The unfortunate thing is that sometimes I write so fast it’s practically illegible!
I have been keeping a journal since 1990! I have most of them all in a beautiful leather bound wooden box and the rest in another chest. I have not gotten the courage to go back and read the early ones yet. A friend of mine reads her last year’s journal on New Year’s day. Eventually I will read them and I guess eventually someone else will, too after I am gone. Funny, that person will know me better than anyone else in the end.