Did you think I had the baby already? I’m good, but I’m not that good. I won’t take an official blogging break when she arrives, but the whole act of labor and delivery might throw off my posting schedule just a wee bit. In the meantime, there’s someone else I’d like you to meet.
THIS is Baby Cute:
Blake pulled her out of a bin at Walmart weeks before Christmas and I couldn’t ignore his squeals of joy. Instead of controlling my child, I snapped photos instead:
Then my people called Santa’s people and explained that we needed Baby Cute to arrive on Christmas morning, and we needed a pink stroller to go with it.
Some think this is great—that I, I mean, Santa, got my son a baby doll for Christmas. Others think it’s strange. Still others have suggested it may be difficult to pass the doll over to his sister after she’s born. I just smile and say, “The doll is not for the baby. It’s Blake’s.” In fact, he’s the one who came up with the name Baby Cute. The Christmas before that, we got him a kitchen because I noticed he played with the one at the gym daycare. (Random side note: if you stand outside Big Lots before it opens to take advantage of a $10 kid kitchen, it may or may not be a piece of junk).
Yes, the boy who rocks his Paper Jamz guitar and tries to vaporize me with invisible lasers shooting from his fingers also plays with kitchens and dolls. Unlike what some people suggest, this is not because he has a baby sister on the way. At preschool, Blake goes straight to the babies. He sings to his teddy bears and gives them juice. The other day I overheard him consoling Baby Cute.
“Baby Cute sad. She cry,” Blake said.
I have no idea how he’ll feel about the real, live baby who’s about to come into our home. We’ve told him about Cate, but I think he has her confused with Baby Cute. Here’s what I do know: I have a husband who will rock a baby to sleep, change a diaper, clean the house and cook dinner. I couldn’t imagine telling Blake he couldn’t have a doll or a kitchen because it’s a girl toy.
Cate’s room is almost ready. It’s spewing pink. But I don’t have any preconceived ideas about her personality or the types of things that will interest her. That’s part of the fun. It’s part of the learning.
Let’s talk: gender roles and stereotypes. Go.
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Hey, Angie–fun and sweet post! I was convinced I’d raise gender neutral boys. I had dolls, tea sets and kitchen things, plus dress up clothes (for ladies and men) for them to play with. Both dabbled a bit playing with them, but in the end, they preferred the race cars, sticks for guns, and Legos.
As someone who stepped on too many Legos in bare feet, I would rather that they strewed baby dolls around the house.
Cheryl, I’m right there with you on the Legos. Man, those things HURT when you step on them barefooted. In the middle of the night.
Angie, what a sweet post. I have a husband who cleans so I consider myself one of the luckiest gals on earth. He loves the vacuum cleaner – it’s his stress reliever.
I loathe Legos. But when I see those little Polly Pocket dolls, I begin to have heart palpitations. I’d like to ban small toys in general. Soon I’ll have the entire toy section of Target spread around my house.
My husband and his sister were raised by a single mom and he developed independence, so while we do have our “roles” within the house… he picks up my slack all the time. Funny, it never works the other way around when the grass needs cutting.
Your blog title did give me pause…
I’ve been listening to the classic album, “Free to be You and Me” and the song “William Wants a Doll.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lshobg1Wt2M&feature=related
I think it’s cool that Blake has Baby Cute.
I had never heard that song! The grandma explained it perfectly.
B. Lake is just a cool little kid who has already figured out how to go his own way most of the time.
My daughter had equal access to dolls, toy guns, trains and all sorts of stuff that could be considered “boy” stuff or “girl” stuff. She was also raised on a farm and although she didn’t really do “chores”, she kinda knew about a lot of farm stuff. She was and is all girl and at the same time a huge sports nut and will post commentary on FB during a game with the best of them.
I think we just let the kids have at what they like and don’t worry about the gender stuff, it tends to work itself out.
I think having access to all types of things develops confidence, independence and a greater sense of self. B. Lake teaches our family how to just be happy… just because.
We bought Charlie a doll the Xmas before Katherine arrived. He was two and a half. He also has a curious George tea set (the only one I could find that wasn’t pink). I have never hesitated to let him play with something because it is a “girls toy”. Yet like others posted, he still prefers his Legos, nerf weapons, and other boy toys. The cool thing about having one of each gender is that both kids get access to toys that aren’t marketed towards their gender. Look into the corolle dolls for Cate! The 12″ is so sweet. Our Kate got one for her first birthday and it’s still her favorite!
So funny, when I was looking for a doll for Blake (I was trying to avoid having to go back to Walmart) I saw those dolls and almost got one… but I knew he wanted a bigger one. The one from Walmart is a big baby. Kind of like the one in Toy Story 3 without the bum eye and a little less crazy looking.
Our son received a kitchen for Christmas this year. He loves to cook, mix, etc. I like that many toys like kitchen sets aren’t so pink and frilly anymore. We like the gender neutral colors and the fun had both boys and girls when they visit. If my son wanted a doll, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Sounds like Blake is a babysitter in training.
I sure hope so! I hope he’s not too jealous of the real thing. We’ll see.
Hey! I couldn’t resist commenting on this awesome post! I, too, have a son. He is going to be seven next month and I have never forbidden him from playing with dolls or “girl toys”, either. While he no longer is interested in the dolls he played with when he was younger, he is very interested in jewelry and fashion. And who cares? I am teaching my son to be secure in who he is and not be influenced by his peers.
I am finishing up a young adult novel that I wrote about a high school age transgender girl. While I am in NO WAY implying that your son, or mine, is transgender, I do have a goal to make the subject less taboo.
Thanks for the great post.
Brigitte, thank you for stopping by and thanks to Stacy for sending you here via Twitter!
My five-year-old son’s favorite color is pink, and he frequently wears a bright pink headband to school–paired ever so fashionably with his tie. Both of my sons have tried on my high heels and asked to wear make-up, but they also want to shave like their dad. I think my role as a parent is to let them explore and figure out who they are. It is also to encourage their interests and to run interference from people like their uncle who thinks boys should not wear pink or have baby dolls. My boys are happy and healthy. That’s what I care about. So tell Blake he can come over to our house and play baby dolls anytime he wants to. But he might be coerced into wearing a pink headband.
I think we have to be careful what we tell children not to do because it’s “wrong.” Sometimes those judgments come from our own fears.
Harrison’s favorite color for the past two years has been pink. And he loves nail polish. But, I think if you asked him he would prefer trains, fire trucks and bulldozers in the end!
Dillon’s favorite color is purple and a friend at school told him it was a girl color. He replied, “Purple is an everybody color.” But still, he was insecure about his favorite color choice for a short time after that.
Not in Baltimore, it isn’t! Thanks to the Ravens, purple is EVERYWHERE right now.
My son had a kitchen too, my daughter did techno-lego. They both did a lot of (cross gender) dressing up. He loved guns. She never really liked dolls, although they both played with Barbie and Ken at one stage. He learnt how to cook and iron. She has never ironed (she used to bribe him to iron anything she needed pressed) and now also loves cooking. Now 24 and 26, they seem to have turned out really quite balanced!
Keep an absolutely open mind and don’t worry about what anyone else might say!
I think the less we make taboo the better!
I used my mom’s old purses to hold my toys when I was a kid. My 6yo daughter loves toy dump trucks and trains. They are just toys. Your little guy is good. Great in fact. He’s playing. Using his imagination. Giid for him. Good for you guys for encouraging him.
Come to think of it, one of the things I value about my own childhood is how I was encouraged to use my imagination…
Love that he just gets to be Blake and enjoy whatever is his fancy at the moment!
I want to be more like Blake!
All I have to say is, “Go Shawn!!” Be thankful that you have one of the few husbands who loves babies (so glad mine does too as I’m not a baby mommy—more so when they are 2-3 and able to speak words). Wish my MIL had bought my husband a kitchen set when he was younger; he didn’t get the cooking genes!
Ha ha! On our first date we cooked chicken on the grill and it didn’t turn out so well. We learned together. Of course, he might say otherwise and even insist he cooks better than I do. But don’t listen to those lies.
Also, thanks for your honesty about not being a “baby mommy.” I’ve met lots of moms who feel that way but feel guilty about it. I’m pretty sure I’m not a “tween/preteen mommy” and haven’t even gotten to that stage yet!
I think gender is essential to identity, but a lot of the cultural stuff–the pink and the trucks–isn’t something parents should really be scared of. I don’t have any sons, but my oldest daughter had a love affair with the Incredible Hulk (which I just wrote a blog about) from the ages of 1 to about 2 1/2. She’s nine now and loves girl stuff–and Star Wars and X-Men too. She’s a good mix between my wife and me, and all the better for it.
Well said, Brock. You should write a book. Oh wait, you DID.
Oh Angie……a subject near and dear to my heart!!! I was so encouraged by all of the responses to your blog. Some of my favorite memories of my now hulking, 6′ 2″, 200+lb. , 18 yr., son are when he was about 3 yrs. old, and his very favorite thing to do was run around in this old feather boa from Chelsea’s toybox. To see him now, it’s hard to believe he did those kinds of things because he is such a he man; yet, he also knows how to clean and cook(a little), and many other things that in the past might have been frowned on for a “boy”.
Exploration of their world, and enjoyment of everything, is the main goal of the very young, and we would do well to give them freedom, and to learn from them, and not be prejudiced based on the color of things, or preconceived notions about what their use is or is not. Sounds like your blog readers are of like mind in this……..proof that things ……they are a changin!
p.s. my rose is still in bloom believe it or not, and is now in the center of a flower bouquet my hubbie brought home yesterday!
So glad the flower is still in bloom… living up to the “spirit” in which it was given.
I told Shawn that one of the best things we can do for our boys as they grow into adults is to teach them to respect women. We all benefit when can respect and appreciate how the masculine and the feminine contribute to the whole.
No gender stereotypes here. My 2yo son has a play kitchen and Baby Jake, whom he pushes around in a stroller. Granted, the stroller is blue…
And let’s face it: the Bat Cave is basically a dollhouse for boys.
Omg… it IS! I almost got Blake the boy version of the same doll. I didn’t because that’s not the doll he picked from the bin.
Let kids be who they are. They’re more interesting that way.
Blake is quite interesting. He’s our source of entertainment.
Of my two girls, the young one is and always has been way more “girlie”, although they have both had a access to mostly the same clothes, toys and ideas – a train set, kitchen (with chef hat to match Daddy’s), racing car track, and Polly Pockets, Lego… The list goes on, in a pretty gender neutral way. And the girls go their own ways too. (And when B, D or C want Polly Pockets, we have many, many bags to hand on! Please?!)
[You may find this book interesting for raising Cate: Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the New Girlie Girl Culture by Peggy Orenstein. I thought I would try to be an informed mother of daughters, and although the basic premise seems sound, I have to say, I didn't get further than the second chapter...!]
I feel your Polly Pocket pain. But, um, no thanks?
Re: the book. Sounds like our mama instincts still work best!