16 lessons from 16 years of marriage

Shawn and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary here in California, so we loaded up the kids and drove to Aneheim to spend the day at Disneyland. On the way, I decided to ask Shawn what he's learned in our 16 years of marriage.

He talked and I typed. I mostly kept quiet, but sometimes I had to interject as noted in italics. 

1. I’m still learning about marriage. We're growing and changing and the marriage relationship is constantly changing, so the old rules and ways of doing things don't necessarily apply today.

2. If it weren't for you, I never would have entered a Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

3. You're typically right but it doesn't keep me from arguing my point. I knew it!

4. Not going to the bathroom in front of each other is a good thing. I don’t think I’ve missed anything by not seeing you pee. This was actually Shawn's rule, and I 100% agree. 

5. Women aren’t necessarily the tidier sex. Hanging things up does not seem to be a premium value. I've learned that it's okay for you to leave a mess in the bathroom, but it's not okay for me to leave a mess in the kitchen. Guilty.

6. You are in no way interested in mowing the yard. But I will scrub a toilet any day of the week. 

7. I’ve learned that you’re not that interested in going to the beach. That's not true. I'm not that interested in going to the beach with kids. But now that everyone is out of diapers, I'm coming back around.  

8. I’ve learned that you’re a good travel partner. 

9. I’ve learned that you are a great mother. 

10. I’ve learned that no matter how progressive you try to be, things still boil down to division of labor. Exactly. See number 6.

11. You’re still the same person, but now you’re the same person who has three kids. Or sick parents. Or job stress. Sometimes it's hard to remember that the person you married is still in there. They’re just buried under all of the stuff. 

12. Marriage is a commitment. You’re either committed or you’re not. But I’ve never thought about the alternative. 

13. I’ve learned that it gets better. Because we get better. When you get married, you’re still a kid.

14. Talking things out is not always a good thing. Some things are better left unsaid. 

15. You have to be willing to say you're sorry. A long hug can reset a lot of things. 

16. Marriage is a compromise and it’s not for everyone. You make decisions for the good of the team. Supporting your spouse actually elevates you. They’re happier. They’re happier with you. Everybody wins.