Stop. Search. Step.

Cate is 11 months old today. And I've paid extra attention to her, as if turning one means poof! she's no longer a baby. But it does feel like that, and I'm trying to drink up how she looks and sounds and acts right now, spunky and fuzzy headed with a mouth full of teeth.

I'm watching her turn one, and Dillon turn seven, and Blake in the middle. And that's where I am. I'm standing in the center of my life, and I'm looking all around—forward and back and up and straight ahead.

I like it here. But I can't stay here.

Time is my nemesis. The annoying tick of the second hand. How dollar signs are attached to it. How my productivity and sense of accomplishment are measured by it.

Recently Danielle Laporte posted 10 Really Lame Ideas & Beliefs To Let Go Of and here's number 8:

 For the love of life, let go of the idea that there’s not enough time. You are the source of time in your life.

I read that and thought, Hey, I believe that, and then I paused and said to myself, No really... I believe that. When I hear myself saying I don't have time, I have too much stuff to do, or I feel busyness and anxiety and stress and exhaustion sweeping me up and brushing me down the road of my life, my soul screams. NO. Stop. This is not right. This is not how it's supposed to be.

I know how to do this. I know this lesson. This is my path, the heart of my journey, right here:

Search myself. Listen and pay attention. Take the next courageous step. My knees knock and the butterflies in my stomach take flight, but I must. That's the way I need to go. To me, this is the biggest act of faith. This is the way I experience God in my life.

Choices are choices and they all have outcomes attached to them. But honestly, I'd rather let my heart lead the way, following the breadcrumbs that make me light up, and deal with those outcomes. Those are the mountains I want to climb.

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Congratulations to Stacy Jensen! Stacy won Amelia's Critchlow's art e-course. The course begins this Monday, January 14, 2013. So if you're interested, there's still time to sign up! Thanks, Amelia.