You got what I need

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Yesterday, I went to the cafe at Barnes & Noble to work while Blake was in preschool. It's one small step towards efficiency--working minutes from the school rather than driving 15 minutes back to my home office. I set up my laptop and went to the counter to order. I stared at the sweet treats, like I always do, and before I had a chance to talk myself out of it, I ordered a nonfat gingerbread latte--with whip--and a toffee crunch Blondie. 

As I said on my Facebook page, "sometimes you just gotta."

I needed comfort, and I ordered up a heaping helping of self-love and didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. Lately, I've been beyond tired. A mind numbing state of tired. Living that way for an extended period of time is not okay with me.

It's been a while since I read this article by Anne Lamott, but I knew it was fitting so I dug it up. Here's the part that stays with me:

"You take the action, and the insight follows: You don't think your way into becoming yourself.
I can't tell you what your next action will be, but mine involved a full stop. I had to stop living unconsciously, as if I had all the time in the world." 

I am in the midst of a downshift. I am making deliberate and conscious choices towards living a sweeter life. In the background, I can hear the gears grinding and the gurgle of the latte machine.