Saying yes when you're not sure

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I didn't want to do it. Not anymore.  

I wanted to do it at first, when I purchased the Groupon on the eve of the New Year.  $20 is a good deal. 

And I wanted to do it as I hopped on the treadmill in January with every intention of being prepared to run a 5k by the time March 23 rolled around. That's three whole months. Of course I can do it.  

But I wasn't prepared. I'd love to blame it on the phone app that was supposed to take me through nine weeks of training. I had no idea why it kept resetting at the end of week two. Until I realized I needed to pay $1.59 to unlock weeks 3-9.  

Ah.  

Even though it was a fun run (one where you get sprayed with colored corn starch along the way), I wanted to rock the fun run. I didn't want to jog, gasp for air, start, stop and limp across the finish line. 

I had expectations. I hadn't met them. And I also had a wedding at 3:30 that day. And suddenly, I felt out of shape and unmotivated. It felt like too much. I was seriously considering backing out, until Kelli emailed me and said, "Hey, I'm picking up my race packet today. Do you want me to get yours?"

And I replied, "Yes! Thank you!"  

That morning, it was cold. I live in the South, and cold is relative. But brrr. I'm just saying. Rain clouds hovered. I clutched my coffee and cranked the car.   

I didn't rock the race. But I ran. And I walked a little. And I had a great time. Because here's what I experienced: space. Not a lot of traffic (all things considering), easy parking, a wide-open race course through the local fairgrounds.  

And colors. Pretty colors!  

I heard shoes hitting the earth, broken bits of conversation, the sound of my own breath. I was alone with myself, but not alone. I was present, in the moment. Observant. But not consumed by my thoughts. 

You know what I felt? The most surprising thing? I felt light. Sometimes I run, and I feel heavy. Every stride hurts. But not this time. And I don't know why.  

I just know I'm glad I said yes.