The hardest thing about parenting--for me--is reconciling how much I can't remember. I want vivid images and instead I get scenes out of focus. Fuzzy memories that don't feel like 7 and a half years of my life. It feels like one long continuous day. I cherish those moments that have burned through the haze and marked themselves--crystal clear. I feel baby Dillon's breath on my shoulder, his mouth wide open, and sleeping. I am rocking Blake, and his hair is soft as snow and I twirl it around and around with my fingers. And Cate... I'm not sure what her memory is yet. But maybe, it's this one:
I love how you can see my phone's reflection in my sunglasses. In my mind's eye, I don't see what you see... I see it the other way. Holding her, pressing my nose against her soft, chubby skin, snapping photos, helping myself remember.
This is the latest in a series I'm exploring for August, "Awakening". To read all of the entries from this series, click here.