aspiring author's candy shop

I had a pretty fantastic Sunday afternoon. Baby Blake and I went on a date to the Lowcountry Women Author’s Holiday Book Signing, hosted by the Center for Women. My goal is to sit behind one of those tables one day, selling and signing copies of my own book. In the meantime, I’m quite content being a fan. It’s inspiring to know so many talented women writers hail from Charleston. 

sue monk kidd

Secret Life of Bees author Sue Monk Kidd was gracious to allow me to snap a photo with her. I’m currently reading her latest book, Traveling with Pomegranates, a memoir she wrote with her daughter Ann Kidd Taylor. I’m only a couple of chapters in, and it’s breathtaking.

klj

 Here I am with Kelly Love Johnson, author of Skirt! Rules for the Workplace: An Irreverant Guide to Advancing Your Career. I have followed Kelly Love’s writing career for years… she’s a master at the personal essay. I’m happy I’ve had the opportunity to get to know her and that I can now call her my friend.

margaret

 I recently met Margaret Seidler, author of Power Surge… wait for it… at the gym. Seidler is an author, master trainer and speaker and still manages to find time to teach spinning. She won’t let up and I think I agreed to take her class this Tuesday. 

beth webb hart

I walked away with one new purchase: a copy of Beth Webb Hart’s novel, Grace at Low Tide. Hart and I chatted for a bit… lowcountry women are really sweet, ya’ll. Can’t wait to read her work.

Jennie B

And the final highlight of the afternoon, meeting The Sassy Steel Magnolia! It was so fun to see my cyber friend emerge from Twitterverse. She is actually a real, live person. 

It’s not everyday I have the honor of being surrounded by greatness. I think Blake left with a few phone numbers.

New FTC rules require bloggers to disclose if they have received compensation or free items in exchange for product reviews. My flattery is genuine and I have collected the books I mentioned over the past couple of years. I bought each one with my own money and waited my turn to have them signed… I didn’t even cut in line.

Wanted: moms seeking balance

balancedmomcover1We’re good at juggling, multi-tasking and wearing PB&J and spit-up like a badge of honor. We love our kids. And we are so blessed. But have you ever felt overwhelmed, unattractive, uncool and exhausted? Have you ever slumped down on the couch and cried, “But what about me???”

And then two seconds later felt guilty for feeling that way?

I know I have. Over the past three years I have embraced my role as mommy, while at the same time, I have struggled to find my own place in the world. Not everyone can relate. But I do know I’m not alone. Whether you work outside the home, do the part-time thing, or stay at home full-time with your children, chances are you have felt out-of-balance. Along the way, I’ve found comfort and support from women who have walked in my shoes.

briapic1Today, I’m happy to have the privilege of sharing my conversation with Bria Simpson, life and business coach for moms and the author of one of my favorite books, “The Balanced Mom, Raising Your Kids Without Losing Your Self.”

Angie: Bria, first of all, thank you! I am a fan of your work and am honored you’ve taken the time to share your insights with my blog readers. I discovered your book several years ago as I was wandering through Barnes & Noble, no doubt searching for a book on how to teach my son to sleep. I was struggling with how to balance work and the responsibilities of motherhood, along with my need to exercise and do the little things, like take a daily shower. “The Balanced Mom” was easy to read and exactly what I needed. What inspired the book?

Bria Simpson: There was nothing out there like it! I was coaching moms on how to balance their lives and hold onto their selves throughout motherhood and they would ask me “Is there a book to help keep me going?” I looked and couldn’t find one- so I decided to write a simple book with quick tips on how to BOTH balance AND stay fulfilled as we raise our children in a child-obsessed era.

Angie: How do you define balance?

Simpson: I consider a balanced state to be one in which a woman makes time for nurturing others, caring for herself, and fulfilling herself. I’ve found over time that for most women, fulfillment includes meaningful work (with the right balance at home) and this is my focus now- helping moms create service or people-oriented jobs with the balance they want at home. With this set-up, like I have, moms are finding they can run profitable, unique businesses and be the mom they want to be!

Angie: My favorite chapters are “Seek Your Soul’s Desire” and “Let Your Courage Emerge.” Tell us more about what those chapters mean to you.

Simpson: Our souls will speak to us and give us guidance IF we have enough quiet and peace in our lives. Create the quiet time first- every single day. Get out in nature. Meditate or do yoga. And then LISTEN for your heart’s desires, your soul’s language, and follow that guidance with your courage. For many moms, it means going back to work part-time in a meaningful career or scaling back to a more balanced career if you are working too much or not enjoying your job. Your soul will tell you- if you have enough quiet and introspection in your life. But then, you have to find your courage to make the changes.

Angie: In this economy, some stay-at-home moms are feeling the pinch and wondering if they should go back to work. And other moms tell me they are thinking about re-entering the work-force when their children get older. You believe it’s possible for moms to find paying work they love and still have quality time with their family. What do you say to the skeptics?

Simpson: I’d say to the skeptics- you just haven’t figured out the right job yet! I know the internet is still scary to a lot of moms (most of us missed the “understanding phase” of the internet boom) but it’s amazing how we can SIMPLY market businesses through the internet and work the hours we want to work. That’s why I am opening up programs to teach moms how to start and grow simple people-oriented or service-oriented businesses using simple internet marketing. These are the ingredients for having a profitable, balanced business that allows our unique, independent selves to emerge AND honors our desires to be present for our families.

Angie: Some women tell me they are so busy, they don’t even know where to start. I know I’ve felt that way at times. What’s the first piece of advice you would give to someone who’s feeling overwhelmed?

Simpson: Understand your time and energy is precious and LIMITED. You MUST be extremely careful with how you spend it because once the time is gone, it is gone! Only say yes to your top priorities (which must include self-care) and say no to everything else. It’s the only way to be balanced and happy.

You can learn more about Bria’s life and business coaching, peek inside her book and gain access to free tips by visiting her website.

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Finding the beauty in life’s imperfections

katherine-centerI’ve recently become a raving fan of author Katherine Center. She writes amazing essays and fiction books; a simple sentence can make my heart stop beating for a moment. Recently, Center took time out of her own busy schedule talk to me about her work:

Angie: You first caught my attention when you posted the essay, “Nothing Worthwhile Is Ever Easy,” on Blogging Authors. In the essay, you wrote, “Nothing that doesn’t push you past your limits can change your life. It’s true of work, it’s true of parenting, and it’s true-a hundred times over-of love.” Much of your writing seems to urge the reader to realize that beauty is found in life’s imperfections.

Katherine Center: Absolutely.  Because that’s something I believe, and something I’m always trying to remind myself.  You have to look for the beauty in struggles and challenges. You have to make a choice to see the beauty there. Sometimes the hard things we do just feel hard. It’s not always possible to appreciate the wisdom you’re gaining in the moment that it’s happening.  But later, when wisdom comes, you know where it’s come from.  When you’ve been around long enough, you start to see the patterns.  I guess that’s the upside of not being young anymore… You know from experience that the struggle always leads, in some way, to something better.

everyone-is-beautifulAngie: I recently read your novel, “Everyone is Beautiful,” which tells the story of Lanie, a stay-at-home mom of three boys. Wearing oversized t-shirts and covered in peanut butter and jelly, Lanie yearns to reconnect with who she was, before marriage and kids. Lanie is such a mess, and at the same time, so down-to-earth and likable. Who– or what– inspired her character?

Center: In some ways, she’s me.  Or at least, her big struggle–how to take good enough care of herself and also take good enough care of her family–is like mine.  Though everybody I know with young kids seems to be struggling with that question: How to do a good enough job with all the important things in life. 

I met a woman at a book club the other night who was so disappointed that I wasn’t actually Lanie.  I like Lanie a lot, though.  I like to write about people who are real and likeable.  I like to write about people who tell their stories in that close and intimate voice we use with best friends. I love the closeness and honesty and vulnerability that come from characters who can talk that way.  All my main characters are like that–people I’d love to sit around having coffee with. They are people who will tell you honestly about the things that scare them and worry them and trouble them.  Because those moments of connection between women–when they really decide to be honest with each other about their lives–are some of the best things in life.  

Angie: I totally agree! Eventually Lanie stops longing for the person she used to be, and embraces the woman she is today. I don’t want to give anything away, but what makes her transformation so powerful?

Center: Motherhood changes you.  Life changes you.  And that’s not a bad thing!  We are supposed to grow up and mature and get old.  That’s how it’s been for all of human history. And there are real advantages to doing all of those things.  But we live in this funny culture that wants to keep us all looking (and maybe even acting) like we’re 20.  There’s something so exhausting about fighting the natural cycle of things.  For Lanie to just accept herself as she is, in that moment of her life, as a mom, for what that means…  I think it’s something we all wish we could do, on some level.  Just relax and be ourselves.

the-bright-side-of-disasterAngie: Your first novel, “The Bright Side of Disaster,” is next on my must-read list. In it, very pregnant Jenny is unexpectedly thrust into the world of single-motherhood. This excerpt from the book made me catch my breath: “When I said… this is the end, I meant, the end of the life I thought I was going to have.” Most of us can recall a moment when we realize our life is no longer going according to script. It can be difficult to accept. But I’ve learned that sometimes, when life takes us in a different direction, it’s actually doing us a favor. Do you agree?

Center: I do.  The tagline for that book is:  ”Sometimes the worst thing that can happen is exactly what you’ve been waiting for.”   

There’s a great Garrison Keillor quote that runs through my head a lot:  ”Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have…”  Some of the greatest ideas we have come from making do.  Life never gives you what you’re expecting, and that’s what keeps it interesting.  What matters most is how you respond to your heartbreaks and your disappointments and your fears.  What matters most is who you become in response to them.  

Angie: What motivates you to do the work you do?

Center: I think stories are intensely comforting.  Stories about people we can relate to and care about–well-told stories that make us laugh and sweep us into them.  It’s a really powerful thing to sink into a novel and let it pull you out of your own life a little.  

Writing a novel is a lot like reading one.  The people and events appear on the page, and you follow them and see where they’re going.  You hear them talking.  You have some influence over them, of course, if you’re the author of the story.  But half the time, they’re surprising you. 

So in some real way, I’m just motivated by pleasure.  It’s just fun. I’m writing the books I’d like to read… 

Angie: And they are books I like to read, too. You can learn more about Katherine Center’s work by visiting her website or her blog.

I’ll leave with you a must-watch video excerpt from Center’s essay, “Things To Remember Not To Forget.”

 

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Are books becoming the new 8-track?

Today, I was flipping through a Real Simple magazine and saw a full-page ad for Kindle, a wireless device available from Amazon that allows you to download books, magazines and newspapers. It’s sort of like an iPod for your reading material.

I get it. The Kindle seems really cool. I understand why some people would love it. And I’m not saying that I would never, ever, ever buy one for myself…

But…

Am I the only one out there to who prefers to hold a book in her hands? I want to feel the pages between my fingers. I dog-ear, underline, flip ahead and flip back. I can see where I am in the story, where I’ve been and how far I have left to go. I’m obviously aware that blogging allows me to publish my writing in an instant (so awesome) but many times, I start with pen and paper… I have to step away from the keyboard and computer screen to get in the creative flow and allow the muse to take shape.

I am not anti-technology. I’m a big fan of finding new ways to save time, energy and space. But the Kindle makes me wonder what’s to come. I remember feeling a hint of sadness when Millennium Music in downtown Charleston closed. They’re now doing business as an online store. No more standing in the aisles wearing a set of huge headphones, listening to CD’s and contemplating the purchase of the acoustic version of Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill. So sad.

Are bookstores the next to go? I understand times change. I no longer sit on the floor of the neighborhood Book Bag browsing through Judy Blume books. Instead, I sip on a latte and cozy up in a comfy chair at Barnes & Noble.

I buy books online, too. And if I had a Kindle, I could download my purchase in about a minute. But, really, I don’t mind waiting a couple days for the hard copies to arrive. When I hear the delivery truck, I rush to the door. I tear open the cardboard packaging like it’s Christmas morning.

I’ll never forget the day I stood in line holding a stack of books written by Sue Monk Kidd, happily waiting for her to scrawl her signature across the front pages. I wonder what she would do if someone said, “Hey Sue, would you sign my Kindle?” I imagine she’d ask if anyone had a Sharpie. But it’s not the same.

I commented to my husband, “What’s next? Wall art and famous paintings rotating on giant plasma TVs?”  He told me Bill Gates has something like that.

Am I a member of a dying breed? Am I becoming one of those people who will say, “Back in my day we had BOOKS! You young people don’t know what you’re missing!”

Speak to me, friends.

Oh, one more thing– coming up this Tuesday (Wednesday if you get updates via email)– my conversation with author Katherine Center. You’ll love her insights on finding the beauty in life’s imperfections. Stay tuned!

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“everyone is beautiful”

I just finished reading a book I highly recommend to any woman who has ever felt she has lost herself in the crazy, messy maze of life. “Everyone is Beautiful” by Katherine Center tells the story of Lanie, a stay-at-home mom raising 3 boys. Lanie’s a devoted mother and wife, but when her family moves to another city, she begins to discover a side of herself she had forgotten was even missing.

Whether you’re a mother, or not, Lanie represents so many of us. She inspires us to embrace our quirky imperfections that are perfectly intertwined with our divine gifts, talents and passions.

As I finished reading Center’s novel, the Susan Boyle phenomenon took YouTube by storm. By now you have seen and heard her story. If not, you must stop what you’re doing and watch this now. What I think is amazing about Susan’s story is not that she’s insanely talented; it’s that everyone doubted her. We live in a superficial world, and despite our best intentions, we expect perfection (unattainable) and we make snap judgments when it’s not delivered. What’s more tragic is how severely we judge ourselves. And how we hold ourselves back.

But we don’t have to live that way. Boyle and Center are gifts to us; they remind us that we are beautiful and it’s our job to share our beauty with the world, regardless of the risk. No matter how bumpy the terrain.

I’d like to leave with this short video trailer from “Everyone is Beautiful.” It’s another one worth watching. And remember, “everyone” means you, too.

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