what children teach us

April 21, 2010 By

Two years and another child later, this post originally published on May 24, 2008 reminds me not much has changed.

Anyone who knows my 2-year-old, Dillon, knows that I have my hands full. He, in my totally biased opinion, has an amazing personality and is so cute I could bite his nose right off his face. But, many times, I think I love him best when he is sleeping. I expend so much energy trying to get him to go to bed. From day one, that has been my biggest first-time mom challenge.

Ironically, Dillon manages to teach me the art of being still. “Mommy, sit.” He points at the couch.

“Dillon, I can’t. But I’ll be back in just a second.”

Again, he persists. “Mommy, sit!” He doesn’t care that there’s something boiling over on the stove. He just wants me to be in the room with him.

What I have noticed is that [Read more...]

Filed Under: Balancing Act, Life with Kids Tagged With: , , ,

how do you define success?

February 1, 2010 By

At 35, I think I’ve finally earned the right to call myself a “grown-up.” At least it’s taken me this long to feel like one. And there are days I still have my doubts.

I spent my 20′s trying to figure out what success really meant to me… how it looked, how it felt, what I should be doing when. Oh, the dreaded success deadline. I was always [Read more...]

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , , , , ,

What’s your perfect day?

May 7, 2009 By

Recently I posted an unofficial survey on Facebook asking, “What’s your perfect day?” The question was inspired by my 3-year-old, who told me his perfect day was “playing trains and crashing trucks.” The answers began pouring in:

“Cooking something (outside) over a real fire.”

“Working in the garden, then cooking on the grill.”

“A day at the beach: sun on my face, breeze through my hair and good music playing on the radio.” Several friends concurred.

I couldn’t help but notice the common theme– being outside, doing what we love, spending time with those we care about. What I imagine makes “a perfect day” has a lot to do with how we are feeling while we’re doing whatever it is we’re doing. I would venture to guess that many of us feel relaxed, at peace, fulfilled and a sense of freedom when we are having a perfect day.

Here are some things we definitely aren’t feeling: tired, stressed and a sense of obligation.

When I was contemplating leaving a stressful job six years ago, someone asked me to imagine my perfect day. I immediately saw images of me doing work that I loved. I saw myself pecking on a keyboard, writing inspiring stories. I also saw myself working as a personal trainer, teaching women about health and wellness. I also noticed that when I saw these things, all my stress melted away. I immediately felt free.

Both of those visions have come to pass. I’m still pecking on my keyboard, but I’m no longer a personal trainer. Recently, when I was working with a life coach she helped me see that what we do is not as important as the essence of what we do. I’m happiest in my career when I’m being creative, inspiring and yes, even entertaining an audience. Bottom line, I enjoy doing work that has a postive impact on other human beings. The details and the labels are not as important as the essence.

When you’re having a perfect day, be sure to capture the essence– what makes it feel so perfect? Understanding what makes us feel great and why it makes us feel great both serve as helpful clues as we navigate our lives.

So tell me, what’s your perfect day? And why?

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Filed Under: Balancing Act Tagged With: , , ,

Should I Stay OR Should I Go?

January 20, 2009 By

I’m a big fan of taking leaps of faith. Give me a ledge and you might have to tackle me to keep me from swan diving off the side. (Okay, I’m really holding my nose with a huge inner tube around my waist… but I’m still gonna jump.)

I give talks designed to inspire women to live authentically, to embrace their passions and make personal and professional decisions that reflect those passions. Even still, I don’t necessarily advocate they all quit their jobs, move across the country or make any other major life change without having that gut feeling, that inner knowing that whispers… It’s time.

Even when the soft echoes of fate are rooting for us to follow our hearts, it’s still not easy. We ask ourselves, “How can I really know I’m doing the right thing?” We don’t get a crystal ball or a road map detailing the new uncharted path we are about to take. When we step out on faith, we aren’t promised a path free from challenges and growing pains, but we do discover gifts and opportunities we never imagined.

If you’ve read my last blog post, you know I was feeling especially liberated after adding more memory to my aging computer. Creating more space on the hard drive inspired an all-out cleaning spree, and I marveled over the positive effects of clearing the clutter in my life.

So in the spirit of full disclosure, I think it’s important to let you know that over the holidays, my computer crashed. Again. For months I had been dealing with this technical difficulty. The computer would crash, and I would reinstall Windows, causing me to lose emails and anything else I had not backed up. The process would restore the computer to its original state– the way it was when I bought it in 2004. So I had to to upgrade Internet Explorer, Adobe, and reinstall all the video players. Each time I clicked the mouse, I’d have to download another something or other. I can’t believe I went through that process more than once. Try three times. Finally, when it crashed again, after I had plunked down a hundred bucks for more memory, I could have sworn the message on the computer screen said something like “Hey, lady, give it up. Buy a new computer.”

I think it’s a common trap we all fall into from time to time. We refuse to fail. So we do everything in our power to make our situation work. But I think there’s real courage in admitting, “I’ve tried. And tried. And tried. This just ain’t working.”

Letting go is not giving up. It’s not failing. It’s smart. If something is causing you ongoing stress, are you ready to loosen your grip? Do you have courage to listen to the voice within, when it whispers, It’s time?

If so, share your story and inspire others by commenting on this post.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , , , ,

Bring On the Candles

October 6, 2008 By
I’m writing this post on the eve of my 34th birthday. The weather in Charleston is showing the first hints of fall; the air feels crisp, the breeze is just right, and the sun illuminates with a brightness that is still warm enough for cold-natured girls like me. Each year, when October rolls around, it’s as if the birthday gods say, “Cue nostalgia,” and off I go, into a dream world of thinking and reminiscing. Just before I turned ten, I recall bidding farewell to the ripe old age of nine, feeling a little sad that my age would never again be a single digit. You get the idea. This is what I do. I look back. I look forward. I take stock of my life and attempt to glean a little insight and draw meaning from my experiences.

34 is an interesting time in my life. I have noticed over the past few years, I’m more willing to welcome the age I’m becoming, instead of mourning the age I’ll no longer be. I began to see I’m not losing anything; I bring all my wisdom and experiences to each new day. Blowing out another candle is a sign that we are adding to the fullness and richness of our lives.

I recall in my early 20′s, fresh out of college and just beginning my trek up the ladder of success, I thought if I worked hard enough and didn’t mess anything up, I would continue to advance to a new rung, year after year. I thought by the time I was 30, I would have it all figured out. I would have achieved professional and personal success and then– only then– could I begin to live happily ever after.

Based on this logic, you can understand that I never expected to do anything other than what I set out to do. I never imagined, then, I would eventually grow and change and would want something more meaningful and fulfilling for my life. Rapidly approaching my “success deadline” I found myself at a crossroads:

Option one: suck it up and stay the course. (After all, I had already put so much time and energy into this… certainly I could figure out a way to make it work, right?)

Or option two: allow myself to imagine a new path. A path where I was happy and fulfilled. A path that fully expressed my passions and gave me the space to continue to explore and honor the real me.

For the record, I chose option two.

Back then, I thought success was a destination— a magical place only few would find. Upon my arrival, I told myself, I would finally be happy. As I desperately clung to each rung of the ladder, I began to realize that what I was striving for would always be just beyond my grasp.

That’s when I opened my eyes to what I believe are universal truths: I am not stuck; I always have choices. I am called to discover my purpose. I can do that by recognizing when I feel the most alive (like right now, writing this blog post) and opening myself up to new opportunities that reveal themselves to me each day. And most importantly, true happiness is found in the present moment. In striving for some magic “it”… I was truly missing it. I was missing this moment. I was missing my life.

As I blow out my candles tomorrow, I will acknowledge that I never imagined that I would be in this place, at this time in my life. And I never imagined I would feel so blessed. I write this to encourage you. Not to do it my way. To do it your way.

Write your own story. Define your own success.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: ,
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