Clearly I’ve hit a nerve

March 22, 2010 By

For as long as I’ve been blogging (coming up on two years) I have never written something that has generated 50+ comments. That is, until recently, when one of the essays I wrote for Hybrid Mom was posted on the front page of the parenting section of Shine.

I wrote it many months ago, when baby Blake was barely out of the womb and Dillon was adjusting to being a big brother and learning how to share his mommy’s attention. And I, despite my “village” of support was struggling to find a new routine.

So I wrote about the experience. I picked a slice of my life and turned it into a story. I poked fun at myself. I exposed my insecurities and my strengths. And I hope, I encouraged so many moms out there who may have been struggling with their choices. To remind them that they’re doing okay.

This weekend, as I discovered the article on Shine and watched the comments pouring in, I had to dig down deep and remind myself why I choose to tell stories about my life and to practice what I preach. Many of the comments were supportive. Some were indifferent. But the critics, although currently the minority, were harsh.

“Be an adult!”

“Loser!”

“B**ch!”

Those were the among the worst. Other critics wrote things I had actually thought myself:

“You sound a little self-centered.”

“You showed your son that when things get tough it’s okay to quit.”

“The problem is YOU! Get it together. Learn how to plan better.”

Others debated the merits of preschool, which wasn’t really my point, but they were within their right to do, and I understand why my story would initiate that conversation. One of my goals as a writer is to build a community of like-minded people. I do not expect everyone to agree with everything I write. In fact, I love discussions with different points of view. Especially when they come from a foundation of respect.

But hatred doesn’t sit well with me. I have a feeling in this new media, where writers can publish their work online and readers have instant access to respond however they wish, this is only the beginning.

In the meantime, I want to leave you with a couple of quotes. The first one arrived today from Angel Roberts, the instructor of Daniel Island Hip Hop. (As a total aside, her class is FU-UN!)

Angel wrote:

You all have such power within you.  By sharing your joy, giving your love and standing firm as your true and beautiful selves, refusing to be changed by the world —we WILL change the world— if only a little at a time.

Since Friday, this quote from Marianne Williamson has been on my mind. This one really resonates with my soul. I hope it inspires you as much as it does me.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Filed Under: Life with Kids, Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,

where do you get your inspiration?

December 29, 2009 By

I read dozens of blogs each week… and I have to say, in big bold letters, WOMEN inspire me. I am fascinated by our individual journeys and how, despite the outer differences, there seems to be a universal connection. How many times have you read something and said, “That’s how I feel?”

That, my friends, is why I read, and it’s why I write. Connecting to myself and to others in this art form is a true source of comfort and healing for me.

As we approach the end of 2009, I’m bubbling over with things I want to write, things I want to tell you about… but first, I’m taking a brief moment to digest it all…

In the meantime, I want to share a link to a blog that’s a must-read if you’re contemplating making some major changes this year. We all know making resolutions has a pop culture effect… we embrace our goals with gusto and then watch them fizzle out. First of all, let’s resolve not to do that to ourselves.

My friend, Dennise, “is married to a personal trainer and is in the worst shape of her life.” Her words, not mine. In her blog, My Journey Back to Fitness, she’s opening up about her insecurities and the greatness she knows she possesses inside. Today, she has spelled out her goals and rewards system, and she has a lot more in store for readers this week. The blog is new, so it will be easy to read her previous posts and catch up. I’m sharing this with you because Dennise has inspired me and reminded me why I do what I do. So head on over to her blog and give her some love… who knows… you may be inspired to join her on her fitness journey or make some big changes of your own.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

strength, courage and wisdom

December 9, 2009 By

If I could create Life: The Soundtrack this song would no doubt be on it.

Yesterday I had the honor of sharing my story on Jennie’s blog… a journey that took me 3,000 miles away– but ultimately right back home. Today I got to pick Jennie’s mid-week music snack.  I chose a song I played over and over again during that life-changing road trip. I still listen to it today, when I need the courage to step out on faith.

Need some soulful inspiration? Head over to The Sassy Steel Magnolia now.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , ,

expressing your passion

November 10, 2009 By

This weekend I received the sweetest card from Jennie B in SC, along with some super-cool mix CD’s. Oh, how I love me some Sugarland. The words in her card reminded me of something very important. I featured Jennie on my blog this summer; she said the post gave her an opportunity to “legitimately express” her “love and passion for writing.”

I stopped for a moment and reflected on how powerful that was to her. And then I realized we had something in common. The reason I relaunched my blog back in May, under the new name, “under the MAC” was to do the same thing– to publicly announce and validate my own love for writing. This blog helps keep me focused, holds me accountable, and sparks my creativity. Writing stories that entertain and inspire makes me feel alive, whole. When I open myself up to you, I feel vulnerable at times. But it’s worth it. I get an abiding sense that I’m tapping into my true purpose.

So what’s your passion? Are you legitimately expressing it?

ps- Jennie B has a new blog home now. You can find her over at The Sassy Steel Magnolia. I’ll be a guest blogger over there next month. Stay tuned!

Like this post? Click here to receive new posts in your reader. Click here to have new entries sent directly to your inbox.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , ,

Chasing pavements

September 21, 2009 By

It’s been three months since the birth of baby Blake, and I’m getting more consistent with my workouts. Some days I pretend I’m Fergalicious– you know, up in the gym just working on my fitness. But the other day, my iPod shuffled to Adele’s Chasing Pavements. The gym wasn’t busy, and I sat on the leg press machine for several minutes with all my fluctuating hormones and emotions focused on these words:

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

The song really resonates with me. I can recall heartbreaking pathetic visions of 20-year-old me, following around my then-boyfriend/now-husband, wondering if he would ever love me back. (Silly, silly boy. We all know he finally came to his senses.)

But on a much deeper level… a LIFE level… a spiritual level… the words hit my core. So many of us are chasing something. Love. A cure. A passion. A purpose.

Sometimes I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. Chasing pavements. And I wonder, should I press on, or should I let go? Then I remember letting go is not giving up. Letting go, to me, means letting go of the struggle. Releasing the pain, and the outcome, to a higher power.

And my answer for Adele, with her beautiful voice and lyrics that make me catch my breath: if it’s worth having, it’s worth chasing. It doesn’t matter if you catch it, it just matters that you cared enough to try.

Keep the comments coming! This site is for open-minded, respectful discussion, conversation and connection.

If you want to know when I publish a new post, click here to subscribe.

You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , , ,

Say what you need to say

May 12, 2009 By

I’m not one to get on my soapbox (usually) and most of the time I strive to be diplomatic. I pay attention to politics, but I don’t align myself with the left or the right. My typical MO is to listen to what people have to say, try to keep an open mind and go with my gut. So this post is not about politics.

It’s about the freedom to say what we need to say.

The recent backlash against Elizabeth Edwards has really got me thinking. There’s all this controversy surrounding her book. The critics are saying, “Why air your dirty laundry? Your husband’s political career is already ruined. Why now? You have terminal cancer. Why spend your time doing interviews with Oprah and Matt Lauer?”

As Americans, we have the right to express our opinions. We have the right to disagree. But I’m concerned about the message this particular story is sending. To me it smacks a bit of oppression. It reminds me of a time when women were expected to keep everything “looking right” even when behind the scenes, things were far from perfect. That way of thinking still causes some women to struggle today– they believe they are expected to look as if they have it all together, for fear of backlash and ridicule if they are ”found out.” 

In Elizabeth Edwards’ interview with Matt Lauer, she explained she doesn’t know when she will die. She has small children and she wants them to know her story. She knows there are other women who are living with cancer. She knows she’s not the only woman who’s ever been betrayed. She wants to share that bad things happen. Even to her. And when bad things happen to any of us, we can get through it. She feels she has an important message to share, and she’s saying what she needs to say.

Some will continue to question her motives. I choose to take her words at face value.

Critics will always try to stifle our voice. They will shout from the rooftops. But just because they are shouting louder doesn’t mean they know what’s best for us.

We all have stories to tell. So today, search your heart. Examine your motives. And to quote John Mayer, “Say what you need to say.”

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , ,

What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen?

February 13, 2009 By
Note to the reader: Moments after I posted this blog entry, where I reference my own fear of flying, I learned of this morning’s plane crash in NY that killed 50 people. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims’ families. This tragedy further illustrates that sometimes things happen we can’t explain– we have all experienced tragedies and loss that break our hearts, that shake us to the core. This is my wish for myself and all you who read this: While we mourn and remember those lives that are cut short, we continue to face our own fears and live our lives to the fullest.
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
I often ask myself this question before I make a decision. Then I weigh the odds: If I study for a test, odds are favorable I won’t flunk. If I prepare the coffee pot in the evening, so all I have to do is hit the start button when I wake in the morning, odds are good I’ll have my first sip of java before I’ve had the opportunity to growl at anyone.
I can do my part, but if I’m eating peanuts in coach, I certainly can’t fly the plane. I can’t stop the birds from flying into the engine. I can’t jump inside the cockpit and save the day.

But in all situations, I can pray for, hope for, and even expect, the best.

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?” I asked myself, as I planned a cross-country trip to California last month. I was traveling alone, 4 months pregnant and feeling pretty confident I had arranged a safe, smooth itinerary. I was looking forward to the writing workshop I would be attending. Still, in the back of my mind, there was this fear.

The plane could crash.

It was not my intention to die on this trip. That was NO WHERE in my travel plans. I looked at the odds. There was always a chance, albeit a slim one, the plane would plummet towards the dirt. That shook me a little. But this trip was important to me, and so I reconciled it was worth the risk.

Living a full, meaningful life involves a certain degree of risk. We don’t have to dive off buildings like Batman to understand it’s rough out there. When we expose ourselves, open our hearts and make decisions that shake up the status quo, we always risk getting hurt.

But what happens when we play it safe? What do we risk then?

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Someone I respect and admire asked me this, years ago, as I agonized over whether to change careers and venture into the scary unknown world of disapproval and well, scary things. Her question challenged me to examine the source of my fear. Fear can be a powerful bully, and it’s often rooted in insecurity. That’s the moment I realized what causes me to worry and feel afraid is very rarely something that can actually harm me.

Here’s an example:

“If I go to the beach without sunscreen, I’m afraid I’ll get a sun burn.”

Yes, the sun can burn us. But is there any real reason to be afraid of it? When we take a closer look, we discover we have many options:

  1. I think I’ll stay inside today.
  2. I’ll hide in the shadows of a big umbrella, slather on SPF 180 and stay out for no more than 20 minutes.
  3. I’m going to wear SPF 30 and a hat and get outside and play. My nose may get a little pink, but it’s a beautiful day!
  4. What the heck? Fry me up like a catfish! Who needs sunscreen anyway?-OR-
  5. I haven’t decided where I stand on this issue. May I have a little more time to think about it and get back to you?

See all the choices we have? And what’s the risk associated with each? That depends on what matters most to you. You have to decide if it’s more important to be vigilant about sun damage or to get outside and play. Or if you think both are equally important, and so you find a healthy compromise.

Decide what’s important to you. Weigh your options. Assess your risk. And then go fly! Live your life. Pray like crazy and summon every angel you know. But do yourself a favor and leave your fear on the tarmac.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , , ,

Should I Stay OR Should I Go?

January 20, 2009 By

I’m a big fan of taking leaps of faith. Give me a ledge and you might have to tackle me to keep me from swan diving off the side. (Okay, I’m really holding my nose with a huge inner tube around my waist… but I’m still gonna jump.)

I give talks designed to inspire women to live authentically, to embrace their passions and make personal and professional decisions that reflect those passions. Even still, I don’t necessarily advocate they all quit their jobs, move across the country or make any other major life change without having that gut feeling, that inner knowing that whispers… It’s time.

Even when the soft echoes of fate are rooting for us to follow our hearts, it’s still not easy. We ask ourselves, “How can I really know I’m doing the right thing?” We don’t get a crystal ball or a road map detailing the new uncharted path we are about to take. When we step out on faith, we aren’t promised a path free from challenges and growing pains, but we do discover gifts and opportunities we never imagined.

If you’ve read my last blog post, you know I was feeling especially liberated after adding more memory to my aging computer. Creating more space on the hard drive inspired an all-out cleaning spree, and I marveled over the positive effects of clearing the clutter in my life.

So in the spirit of full disclosure, I think it’s important to let you know that over the holidays, my computer crashed. Again. For months I had been dealing with this technical difficulty. The computer would crash, and I would reinstall Windows, causing me to lose emails and anything else I had not backed up. The process would restore the computer to its original state– the way it was when I bought it in 2004. So I had to to upgrade Internet Explorer, Adobe, and reinstall all the video players. Each time I clicked the mouse, I’d have to download another something or other. I can’t believe I went through that process more than once. Try three times. Finally, when it crashed again, after I had plunked down a hundred bucks for more memory, I could have sworn the message on the computer screen said something like “Hey, lady, give it up. Buy a new computer.”

I think it’s a common trap we all fall into from time to time. We refuse to fail. So we do everything in our power to make our situation work. But I think there’s real courage in admitting, “I’ve tried. And tried. And tried. This just ain’t working.”

Letting go is not giving up. It’s not failing. It’s smart. If something is causing you ongoing stress, are you ready to loosen your grip? Do you have courage to listen to the voice within, when it whispers, It’s time?

If so, share your story and inspire others by commenting on this post.

Filed Under: Redefining Success Tagged With: , , , ,
stretch mark removal products