kindred spirits

When I was four months pregnant with baby Blake (who at almost 10 months and 24 lbs is probably ready for a new nickname) I attended a book writing workshop in California. I blogged about the experience:

The opportunity to fly cross-country to attend the workshop fell into my lap. It stood there staring at me, all doors open, not one roadblock in sight. We even had Sky Miles to pay for my flight! News about the workshop appeared just hours after I had gotten really honest with myself. I was on the phone with my mom one morning, and I told her, “I need to do this (write). I want to do this. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of opening the box. I’m afraid of getting lost in my thoughts.” What will happen if I finally did what my soul has been calling me to do all along?

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Say what you need to say

I’m not one to get on my soapbox (usually) and most of the time I strive to be diplomatic. I pay attention to politics, but I don’t align myself with the left or the right. My typical MO is to listen to what people have to say, try to keep an open mind and go with my gut. So this post is not about politics.

It’s about the freedom to say what we need to say.

The recent backlash against Elizabeth Edwards has really got me thinking. There’s all this controversy surrounding her book. The critics are saying, “Why air your dirty laundry? Your husband’s political career is already ruined. Why now? You have terminal cancer. Why spend your time doing interviews with Oprah and Matt Lauer?”

As Americans, we have the right to express our opinions. We have the right to disagree. But I’m concerned about the message this particular story is sending. To me it smacks a bit of oppression. It reminds me of a time when women were expected to keep everything “looking right” even when behind the scenes, things were far from perfect. That way of thinking still causes some women to struggle today– they believe they are expected to look as if they have it all together, for fear of backlash and ridicule if they are ”found out.” 

In Elizabeth Edwards’ interview with Matt Lauer, she explained she doesn’t know when she will die. She has small children and she wants them to know her story. She knows there are other women who are living with cancer. She knows she’s not the only woman who’s ever been betrayed. She wants to share that bad things happen. Even to her. And when bad things happen to any of us, we can get through it. She feels she has an important message to share, and she’s saying what she needs to say.

Some will continue to question her motives. I choose to take her words at face value.

Critics will always try to stifle our voice. They will shout from the rooftops. But just because they are shouting louder doesn’t mean they know what’s best for us.

We all have stories to tell. So today, search your heart. Examine your motives. And to quote John Mayer, “Say what you need to say.”

Quotable Quotes and the Sold Out Show

I’m gearing up for the Women in Business Conference and here’s where I am so far:

PowerPoint- check

Great new outfit- check

Presentation memorized- uh… I’m getting there.

I just checked the event website, and it’s SOLD OUT. Whoo hoo. That’s amazing. Apparently these women don’t know we’re in a down economy. Or perhaps they do. And they’re keeping their dreams and professional aspirations alive anyway. Kudos. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome!

And no worries about the whole “memorizing” thing… those years in TV helped me develop my ad libbing chops. Plus, I know what I want to say. I truly believe in the presentation I’ve prepared for the fantastic women who will sit in my audience. The topic is “Refreshing Your Professional Image”, and Image Consultant, Shauna Heathman and I are thankful to the Center for Women for the opportunity to share our insights.

Much of my talk (and this blog, for that matter) is centered around the concept of redefining our concept of success and embracing our authenticity. The truth is, my own resume reads like a mystery novel. The journey from TV anchor to life coach to writer, speaker and aspiring author has been a curious maze, and there have been times (many, many times) I have questioned my own path and my purpose.

But what I have learned, and what I will share with these women, is that once you commit to the journey– discovering what you’ve been put on earth to do, your authentic path will reveal itself, one step at a time. We don’t get a crystal ball to see how it will all “work out,” and that’s the point. When we get too caught up in our plans, we miss the magic.

While I was preparing my talk, I ran across some great quotes I want to share that contain the essence of what I’m saying:

“Every decision you make – every decision – is not a decision about What to do. It’s a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.” – Neale Donald Walsch, Author of Conversations with God

Some from Eleanor Roosevelt:

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized either way.”

And a few from Henry Ford:

“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience and ability.”

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”

And finally, I want to share this blog post, by author Katherine Center. Whether you’re a parent, or not, this post reminds us of the importance of feeling the love in everything we do. Click here to read: “Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.”

I hope this finds you feeling the love.

Angie

What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen?

Note to the reader: Moments after I posted this blog entry, where I reference my own fear of flying, I learned of this morning’s plane crash in NY that killed 50 people. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims’ families. This tragedy further illustrates that sometimes things happen we can’t explain– we have all experienced tragedies and loss that break our hearts, that shake us to the core. This is my wish for myself and all you who read this: While we mourn and remember those lives that are cut short, we continue to face our own fears and live our lives to the fullest.
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
I often ask myself this question before I make a decision. Then I weigh the odds: If I study for a test, odds are favorable I won’t flunk. If I prepare the coffee pot in the evening, so all I have to do is hit the start button when I wake in the morning, odds are good I’ll have my first sip of java before I’ve had the opportunity to growl at anyone.
I can do my part, but if I’m eating peanuts in coach, I certainly can’t fly the plane. I can’t stop the birds from flying into the engine. I can’t jump inside the cockpit and save the day.

But in all situations, I can pray for, hope for, and even expect, the best.

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?” I asked myself, as I planned a cross-country trip to California last month. I was traveling alone, 4 months pregnant and feeling pretty confident I had arranged a safe, smooth itinerary. I was looking forward to the writing workshop I would be attending. Still, in the back of my mind, there was this fear.

The plane could crash.

It was not my intention to die on this trip. That was NO WHERE in my travel plans. I looked at the odds. There was always a chance, albeit a slim one, the plane would plummet towards the dirt. That shook me a little. But this trip was important to me, and so I reconciled it was worth the risk.

Living a full, meaningful life involves a certain degree of risk. We don’t have to dive off buildings like Batman to understand it’s rough out there. When we expose ourselves, open our hearts and make decisions that shake up the status quo, we always risk getting hurt.

But what happens when we play it safe? What do we risk then?

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Someone I respect and admire asked me this, years ago, as I agonized over whether to change careers and venture into the scary unknown world of disapproval and well, scary things. Her question challenged me to examine the source of my fear. Fear can be a powerful bully, and it’s often rooted in insecurity. That’s the moment I realized what causes me to worry and feel afraid is very rarely something that can actually harm me.

Here’s an example:

“If I go to the beach without sunscreen, I’m afraid I’ll get a sun burn.”

Yes, the sun can burn us. But is there any real reason to be afraid of it? When we take a closer look, we discover we have many options:

  1. I think I’ll stay inside today.
  2. I’ll hide in the shadows of a big umbrella, slather on SPF 180 and stay out for no more than 20 minutes.
  3. I’m going to wear SPF 30 and a hat and get outside and play. My nose may get a little pink, but it’s a beautiful day!
  4. What the heck? Fry me up like a catfish! Who needs sunscreen anyway?-OR-
  5. I haven’t decided where I stand on this issue. May I have a little more time to think about it and get back to you?

See all the choices we have? And what’s the risk associated with each? That depends on what matters most to you. You have to decide if it’s more important to be vigilant about sun damage or to get outside and play. Or if you think both are equally important, and so you find a healthy compromise.

Decide what’s important to you. Weigh your options. Assess your risk. And then go fly! Live your life. Pray like crazy and summon every angel you know. But do yourself a favor and leave your fear on the tarmac.

WOW!

Those who follow me on Facebook know that I recently traveled to California for a two-day writing workshop. I can’t thank my dear friend and colleague, Denise Turner, enough for mentioning the workshop on her blog. It got my attention immediately. The workshop creator is a genius, coming up with a clever name that I just couldn’t resist. Are you ready?

Write the Damn Book.

Isn’t that great? Those who know me understand that my blog is clean, and I never use “cuss” words. But I figured if Rhett Butler can say it, why can’t I? Besides, the brains behind the workshop, Mary Reynolds Thompson, is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. I had been procrastinating, thinking of a million reasons to delay what I have been talking about for years. She made it really simple. Just write the damn book.

Sometimes things are meant to be. The opportunity to fly cross-country to attend the workshop fell into my lap. It stood there staring at me, all doors open, not one roadblock in sight. We even had Sky Miles to pay for my flight! News about the workshop appeared just hours after I had gotten really honest with myself. I was on the phone with my mom one morning, and I told her, “I need to do this (write). I want to do this. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of opening the box. I’m afraid of getting lost in my thoughts.” What will happen if I finally did what my soul has been calling me to do all along?

And with that honesty, I got my answer. Write the damn book.

At the workshop, I experienced one of those rare moments when everything turns out exactly as I had hoped it would… and it was even better! There was such a profound connection between this group of twelve strangers; we each had creative breakthroughs and accomplished some amazing work during our time together.

I don’t know how long it will take, or exactly where this journey will lead, but you have my commitment that I’m am now, once and for all– you guessed it, writing the damn book.

There. I’ve said it out loud.

I hope this inspires you in some way to begin the thing you’ve been putting off. If your soul is speaking to you– don’t stress, don’t over analyze, don’t worry about how it’s going to work out. Just begin. I leave you with this poem by Mary Oliver our instructor shared with the class:

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
–though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do
–determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver ~ (Dream Work)

Paula Deen: The Secret Recipe for Living Your Life

As I write this post, I am heading to the mountains for a much needed vacation with my family and close friends. Six adults. Four kids. One house. Not quite sure if that’s a recipe for relaxation, but it’s definitely going to be fun.

Speaking of recipes, recently I had the opportunity to meet and work with Food Network star and Queen of Southern Cookin’, Paula Deen. I was asked to field produce a video shoot with Deen inside her home in Savannah. The awesome guys at Go To Team landed the job and called me in to assist. What fun! Of course, I couldn’t resist the obvious photo-op. Thanks to GTT’s Tom Wells for snapping this photo. Cheese!Deen’s personal story inspires me. Behind her blue eyes and big smile is a history of pain. Before the bright lights and fame, Deen was held captive by the dark grip of a disorder called agoraphobia, which can be simply described as a fear of public places. It’s hard to believe that a woman who radiates such a powerful life force was ever afraid of anything. But she was. And that fear nearly paralyzed her.

Deen says her thinking finally began to shift one morning as she recited this prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Deen recalls, “I can tell you about that morning I got up—I can take you right back to the very spot I was standing in when that Serenity Prayer went through my head. I finally accepted my mother’s death, my father’s death, my death, my children’s death—everybody that I loved—because dying is a big, big part of living; ain’t none of us going to get out of this alive. I accepted that.”

And in accepting that… Paula Deen started living.

When women contact me about my coaching services, some of them have reached a place in their lives where they don’t feel happy. They’re not sure where they’re headed in their relationships or their careers, and they feel their life just hasn’t turned out like they thought it would. They believe that they have failed. Deen’s story reminds me of the hard, but important, lesson I have learned on my own journey. The path to happiness, success, and fulfillment is not always linear. We don’t have to always do the “right” things in the “right” order. It’s okay to question where we’re headed, to re-evaluate our choices, stay still, or choose to move in a new direction.

We each have our own paths to walk, and sometimes we will feel lost without a GPS. But maybe, just maybe, if you’re out in the wilderness… that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be for now. Allow yourself to listen to your heart, acknowledge what your soul is saying to you, and gather up the courage to go your own way.

We aren’t all destined to be celebrities, but we can take a page out of Paula Deen’s book: let go of what we can’t change, embrace what we can, and discover our own unique place in this world.

Until next time,

Angie

Moving Forward: Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway.

I consider it a real gift when I have the opportunity to make meaningful connections with other women. I draw wisdom and inspiration from their journeys, and I often find a piece of myself in their personal stories. Recently, I had the opportunity to emcee the 14th Annual Administrative Professionals Day Conference, hosted by Trident Technical College. The event’s theme: Moving Forward. To me, moving forward means that we choose not to be victims of our circumstances; instead we use them as opportunities to learn and grow. We understand what we can control (ourselves) and the things we can’t (everything else). We rise above our negativity, fear, and pain to discover the lives we were created to live.

Here I am pictured on the right, along with Yvonne Noisette, Program Leader for Trident Tech’s Continuing Education Division, and Nikki Hardin, Founder and Publisher of skirt! magazine. Nikki is a true example of a woman who had a dream, felt the fear, and pursued it anyway. She was 29 years old and a single mom of three when she started college for the first time. She earned a BA in literature, attended graduate school, and got “her first real, full-time job.” In 1985, she packed up and moved to Charleston, which she had never seen and barely heard of. A decade later, Nikki was “nursing a mid-life crisis” when a friend asked her, “What do you want to do?” She told him that she wanted to start a magazine for women that was interesting to read. And he asked, “So why don’t you do that?” So she did. In 1994, with only $400 to her name, skirt! was born. The magazine grew and in 2003, she sold the skirt! to Morris Communications, maintained her leadership role, and secured her retirement. Today, skirt! is in 20 cities. Bravo!

I also had the opportunity to meet Marshawn Evans, an attorney, business owner, and former contestant on The Apprentice. Marshawn is making her mark on the world, and she hasn’t even reached the age of 30. Marshawn was a young girl when she saw the vision of the successful woman she wanted be, watching the character, Claire Huxtable, on The Cosby Show. Marshawn and Nikki are excellent examples of women who had a vision, and despite challenges and setbacks, made a decision to move forward.

In my coaching practice, I often ask my clients to describe their vision for their lives. Many times, we are afraid to let ourselves “go there” because we see all the obstacles standing in our way. But if we take a moment to recognize our gifts and talents and understand that we were created to use them, it is easier to shift our thinking from the obstacles, to the possibilities. We don’t have to figure it all out today. All we have to do is move forward.
Until next time… Angie

 

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