pardon me while I rearrange the furniture

I’m in heaven right now. I spent the weekend all by myself. Alone. Just me.

Did I mention I had the weekend to myself? I retreated to a hotel in my beautiful historic city and spent two glorious days locked inside my room. No TV. No noise. My husband gets credit for arranging this get-away. I know. I know. He’s a keeper.

It was actually a working vacation. I’m giving a talk in Columbia Tuesday and I needed some time alone to flush out ideas. I’m also revamping my blog… and I’m going against type and revealing it long before it’s done. My goal is to have it double as my professional Web site while maintaining the authenticity of the blog. This blog is my baby, and it was actually a spring board for another project I’m about to launch. More on that soon.

I don’t put a lot of stock in horoscopes, but I appreciated the timing of this one:

“Stop procrastinating before you miss out on something good. You are the only one holding you back. Take whatever you have done and launch it as is.”

You can read the rest over at Hybrid Mom.

MyMeWriMo

Today marks the end of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.) During NaNoWriMo, writers around the world pound on their keyboards in a just-for-fun race to complete a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. The purpose? Quantity not Quality. You’ll find this on the NaNoWriMo website:

“Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.”

I didn’t participate in NaNoWriMo but now I’m asking myself, why not? One of the main purposes of this blog is to take you along on my journey of writing a book. I have a couple of chapters roughed out, but that’s as far as it’s gotten. Okay, I did have a baby this summer so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. But here are some other reasons I haven’t been working on the book:

Perfectionism (what if I write it and it sucks?) Fear (what if I write it and it sucks?)

Did you think I was going to say lack of time? Sure, my hands are plenty full. But each time I sit down to work on the book, here’s what I do:

Check email. Check Facebook. Check Twitter. Go to the fridge and grab a Diet Coke. Think of a cute little blog post and write that instead.

The truth is, I love blogging and writing short essays. I get instant gratification. Many times, I can see the story and the point I want to make before I even begin typing. I love the clarity and certainty of it.

There’s a book inside me. But the story is messy. Writing it is going to require a little more risk. A little more faith. And I have no idea where it’s going to lead. But here’s the real truth about me: If I don’t give myself a deadline, I will never know. Without a deadline, “Write Book” will remain at the bottom of my long list of things to do.

So here’s the deal: I have declared December MyMeWriMo. My Memoir Writing Month. For the next 31 days, I’m committing myself to the rough draft. I’m giving myself permission to write a lot of crap.

I’ll keep you posted.

Harriet was on to something…

I have fond memories of going to the grocery store with my grandmother. While she browsed Doscher’s, I’d slip next door to the Book Bag. I’d sit on the floor and read Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary books, and wait for MeMa to come back to get me. Then I’d smile sweetly and convince her to buy me something.

It seems odd she allowed me to go to another store by myself. But this was back when people still smoked in the car with the windows rolled up, and riding shotgun meant standing up in the front seat. Did seat belts even exist back then?

ANYWAY– on one of those trips to the Book Bag, I discovered Harriet the Spy. That sneaky little sleuth helped inspire the writer I am today. Soon, I had my own notebook and pen and I was jotting down notes about everything I saw. I convinced my best friend Meg to join me on my mission, and we carved our spy names, Victoria Brewington (Meg) and Veronica Bates (me) into one of the piers at Folly Beach.

Harriet taught me I could write any time, any place. I didn’t need to schedule it. My ability to create was not dependent upon finding a coffee shop with free Wi-Fi.

I have fantasies of what the writing life looks like, and it always involves visions of me pounding away at the keyboard for hours, uninterrupted, in a room with burning candles, free flowing lattes and light jazz music playing in the background. My muse would REALLY REALLY love that.

Instead, I’m writing this while standing up at the kitchen counter. It’s before dawn, my baby  just did something very offensive in his diaper, and my coffee cup is empty.

In the midst the mess, Harriet has come back to me, reminding me that some of my best writing is unveiled in the rough draft, when I’m able to hold the pen in my hand and scribble ideas, sentences and pieces of story on the page. She reminded me to let go of my perfectionism and do what I love to do.

So Harriet, thank you. Now would you do me another favor and change Blake’s diaper?

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We interrupt these deep thoughts…or confessions of a perfectionist…or Angie’s top 3 embarrassing moments.

Yep, I admit it. I’m a perfectionist. Clearly far from perfect but known to obsess over the small stuff. Lately, in all of my blogging bliss, my nemesis, Little Miss Perfect, has reared her superior well-coiffed head. She loves to point out when I make a tiny little mistake, and then she taunts me for hours, sometimes days.

And I’m still trying to recover from missing the word “breathe” in the third grade spelling bee. I mean, who knew it had an “e” on the end?

Little Miss Perfect came for a visit a couple of weeks ago, after I published a story to this blog. She whispered in my ear, “Hey. Guess what? You used that word incorrectly.”  Everything shifted to slow motion.

“Noooooooooooo!!!!” I shouted at the computer as I tried to reach out into cyberspace and yank the words back into the drafts folder. Too late. My faux paux was already out there, resting in your feed readers and sitting happily in your inboxes. It made my eyes twitch. I started to get all splotchy.

Finally, I mustered up my courage and told Little Miss Perfect to take a hike. Then, I corrected the mistake and hit “update post.”

Big deal? No. But it sure felt like one.

So, I’ve officially had enough of her. I have decided to beat LMP at her own game. First, I’m going to ask you to give me some grace when my brain short-circuits and I make a (gasp!) mistake. Which, I’m sure you already have.  I’m also going to take away her power by sharing my top three embarrassing moments. Believe me, there are many, many more, but I’m going to do us all a favor and stop at three. So here we go:

Angie’s Top 3 Embarrassing Moments:

Number 3- the time when I was 12 and a boy was coming at me, ready to kiss me on the lips. We had an audience and I freaked out. So I tried to stall him by asking how he was going to kiss me. Needless to say, he didn’t kiss me at all, and everyone (except me) cracked up laughing. It took two years for kids to stop saying, “Hey, Angie! French or American?”

Number 2- I’m a television news reporter, fresh out of college, on one my first big stories. I interviewed a woman named Pat about her father, who had been killed in the Oklahoma City bombing. Problem was, her name wasn’t Pat. It was Sue.

Whoops.

It only took a few seconds for the phones to start ringing. Sue’s friends weren’t too happy that I had decided to give her a new name. And neither were the anchors who had to go back on the air and make the correction.

Number 1- A couple of years later, I’m covering a forest fire. I’m wearing protective clothing and a huge hat (imagine Smokey the Bear with a chin-length blonde bob) and interviewing a fire official.

Live. On the air. 

Fire official: “The fire is still burning, but it is contained. We’re asking people to avoid the area.”

Me: “So you’re saying we’re not out of the woods, yet?”

WE’RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET?

Yes, friends. I really said that.

But it gets better. I turn to the camera and say, “Bill and Debi, fire officials say this blaze is no accident. They have evidence to support it was indeed started by a human.”

A human? Oh, really? Because for a second there I thought I saw a crazy raccoon running around with a book of matches and a can of lighter fluid. My co-workers and boss had big fun picking on me after that.

But I’m still standing and I managed to escape my broadcasting career with credibility. And I’m no longer terrified of being kissed. French or American. So there.

So tell me, are you a perfectionist? Does it ever hold you back? How do you squash your Little Miss (or Mr.) Perfect? I’d love to hear your stories and insights.

ps- what’s really embarrassing is the fact that I originally misspelled TWO words in the title. Note to self: spellcheck ain’t so perfect either. :)

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Attention, Perfectionists!

I confess. The perfectionist I’m calling attention to is me. A good friend of mine and my husband each pointed out some misspellings and typos in my last blog post. My first instinct was to freak out. What will my subscribers think of me? Then I decided to receive the lesson the universe was sending me.

Lesson number one: proofread
Lesson number two: run spellcheck
Lesson number three: recognize that I’m not perfect and in the grand scheme of life, this is no big deal.

Many of us have a tough time with lesson number three. I know I do. My fear of making a mistake (and failing to forgive myself when I do) sometimes keeps me frozen. Sometimes my choices can be easily erased or modified with the quick swipe of the delete key. Sometimes my choices have long term effects. That’s life. The beauty is, every day I have choices to make. I can embrace my options and move forward, or I can allow the fear of making a mistake keep me stuck.

I’ve learned the key to peace and fulfillment is not “figuring it out” or “getting it right” every time. That magic “it”– the facade of perfection– is exactly that, a facade. Peace and fulfillment come when we learn to flow with the imperfections of life. Take the lessons they teach us, and move on.

And for the record, I did correct those typos! Thanks, team!!!

Angie

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