It's the little things...
At 35, I think I’ve finally earned the right to call myself a “grown-up.” At least it’s taken me this long to feel like one. And there are days I still have my doubts.
I spent my 20′s trying to figure out what success really meant to me… how it looked, how it felt, what I should be doing when. Oh, the dreaded success deadline. I was always [Read more...]
I’m a more-the-merrier kind of person. Table for 12? Awesome. I’m hosting a get-together? Sure, bring a friend. In high school, I ran around with pom poms and secured the superlative “Most School Spirit.” I’m not kidding. And then again, you’re probably not surprised.
But at the heart of this extroverted personality is a woman who craves genuine connections, quality over quantity. In this stage of my life, I enjoy the comforts of home more than the social scene. I think that’s why the Internet is so fascinating. I can chit-chat and make new friends all day long, while I’m sitting on the couch in my pj’s trying to recall the last time I washed my hair.
In the new year, I’m on a quest for balance. I tend to live in extremes, in either/or thinking, believing it has to be one way or the other. And why this may be true in some cases, I’m most at peace and most connected with God when I embrace the concept of and. I want this and that. I want to stay home with my kids and I want a successful career. I used to say “I want to be home with my kids, but I want a career, too.” Now I realize I don’t have to pit the true desires of my heart against one another.
People ask me how I do it, and I tell them “very, very imperfectly.” There are days I amaze myself and days I fall short.
I looked up the definitions of introvert and extrovert and found that I’m am both. I get my energy from being around others and I get my energy from being alone. Too much of either is just too much. Not enough of one is just not enough.
So tell me, are you an introvert or an extrovert? In what ways do you seek balance?
Many of the themes in my writing are inspired by a major life transition. If you follow this blog or know me personally, you know I used to work full-time in television news. I worked my way through the ranks: college degree in journalism, intern, producer, reporter and anchor. I did what most “successful” people are taught to do. Define the goal and then map out the steps to get there.
The mistake I made was thinking that success, aka the road to happiness, was linear. I was on the fast track and never expected to get derailed. But I did. And it wrecked me. And it was the best thing that ever happened. It took me a long time to see it that way… but I learned so many universal truths and now, in this stage in my life, I feel compelled to share them.
I explore this topic further over at Hybrid Mom. Click here to read part one of my story. Click here to read part two.
The two essays in no way tell the whole story, nor are they meant to. I wrote them as a simple gesture, to encourage my readers to listen to yourself, to trust what your heart is calling you to do. For me, the heart (not to be confused with emotion) is where the deepest truths, peace and fulfillment are discovered.
If you have a story to tell, I invite you to share it with me. Thanks for reading and participating in the conversation.
Angie
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Today’s post celebrates the healing power of sisterhood. The blessings of kindred spirits. Those relationships that transcend the boundaries of time and distance. So think of all your soul sisters and make yourself comfortable as I introduce you to one of mine…
She talks about faith, courage, overcoming adversity and waiting for love. And the power of wearing a sexy pair of shoes. Through her own personal stories in her blog, We Can Fly, Doretha Walker speaks to every woman.
Angie: Doretha, I’m honored to be on your list of sistergirlfriends. And the feeling is mutual. We met at a networking event and quickly bonded. Tell me what “sistergirlfriend” means to you.
Doretha Walker: I remember when we met; you gave me great ideas about how to jazz up my blog. I have learned to value my female friendships. Lately I have started weeding out those who always bring me drama. I do my best to live in a drama free zone. Now I have only selective people in my circle. At this point in my life, I surround myself with women who appreciate, support, and want good for me and more importantly want it for themselves. They are less talk and more action. They will jump in the trenches with me. I will do the same for them. It is all about achieving, sharing, and enjoying those achievements. Those are my dear sistergirlfriends. And yes, you are a charter member of that club. I do have a select group of male friends, but dear brotherboyfriend doesn’t have the same ring and there are not too many of them.
Angie: Yes, you’re right. I’m thankful for a handful of dear brotherboyfriends, but there’s nothing like having a soul sister. If we were born in our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, it may not have been as easy for us to be sistergirlfriends. To me, that’s a tragedy…
Walker: That is very sad. It is always sad when people cannot be friends because of the way they look or where they were born. Whether it is black/white or right side/wrong side of the tracks, discrimination is never right and both sides lose. Fortunately my dad was in the Army and I went to integrated schools my whole life. By the time I was ‘told’ who not to like I had already eaten dinner at their houses! I lived several years in Europe and visited several countries. I always treated people with respect and was treated respectfully. I remember people coming up to me in college saying that they had never gone to school with a Black person before. I found that odd that they were proud of that. I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just nodded and smiled.
Angie: I love your blog, We Can Fly. The essence of your writing is found on the home page:
“For a very long time, no one told African American women that they could fly, so there are very few of them as commercial pilots. This website is for inspiring women to fly. Flying being defined as succeeding. Succeeding defined however you decide. We are simply here to tell you girlfriend, YOU CAN FLY!”
What does success mean to you?
Walker: Success to me is attempting and/or finishing my list of things to do each year and trying and/or completing other goals as they pop up. I stopped making New Year’s resolutions. Now every year I make a list of things to do. One year, I had take belly dancing lessons, laugh more, do something fun once a month, and complete a marathon.
Walker with Center for Women Director Jennet Robinson Alterman
Angie: The Center for Women has had such a positive impact on both of us.
Walker: Absolutely! I have met some amazing women through the center. I even met Oprah! Yes, it is true, there is a picture. I have also learned the power of networking through the center.
Oprah Visits Center for Women
Angie: Oh, there you are! Second from Oprah’s right. You’re a very busy woman. You have a full-time job; you are the president of the Center for Women board. You’re pursuing your PhD. What motivates you to author your blog on a regular basis?
Walker: I wanted a place to go when the world was not giving me what I thought I should have. You know, when life keeps handing you lemons and you already have enough lemonade to last you for the rest of your life. I needed a place to put all of the inspirational quotes and scriptures other than my bathroom mirror. Also I felt the need to share my stuff. Actually a dear sistergirlfriend had told me to write a blog a couple of years ago. I told her I didn’t have anything to say. Then another dear sistergirlfriend gave me the idea about the title. Once I started writing, I couldn’t stop. I take great pleasure in showcasing others in the blog as well.
Angie: I love the music on your blog- from Carly Simon, Aretha Franklin and India Arie to Carole King, Beyonce and the Dixie Chicks. That’s my kind of play list! I often pull up your blog just to listen and lift my spirits.
Walker: The music idea came from another dear sistergirlfriend. Most people enjoy it. I love all types of music and enjoyed making the play list. It is nice to be able to hear exactly what I want to hear whether the genre is rock, folk, country, or R&B. There are days at work when I just pull up the blog and let the music play.
Angie: Before I go, I have to ask you about this: Recently you participated in the Stiletto Stampede. The world wants to know, how on earth did you run in those heels?
Walker's Sexy Shoes
Walker: Very, very, very slowly and carefully. I jumped over the women who fell. I was afraid of falling or twisting my ankles. I enjoyed seeing the various types of shoes out there. Lots of different styles, colors, and textures. Someone should have taken a picture of our feet. It is sort of sad that a man won, but that is equal opportunity at its finest. If we can allow a man to enter and compete in 3 inch heels, why can’t women get equal pay for equal work? I know, I know, that is another issue. I had a great time.
You can learn more about the great Doretha Walker by visiting her blog.
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The Women in Business Conference was a great success! Many thanks to those who attended my breakout session, Refreshing Your Professional Image.
I believe our “image” is most powerful when it radiates from the inside- out. It starts by asking ourselves: what does success look like to me? Some other tips to remember:
~Image begins with how you see yourself. To paraphrase a quote by Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way, you’re right.”
~Embrace your gifts, talents and passions. What you love to do and what comes naturally to you are clues that guide you on the path to your purpose.
~Create your vision. Dare to boldly see and profess your true heart’s desires.
~Ditch the fear. What do you risk if you play it safe?
~Let your experience, wisdom and intuition serve as your guide. Women, especially, are blessed with the gift of intuition.
~Sell yourself! Think about all you’ve accomplished and experienced so far in your life. Believe it, use it, own it. Work it, girl! Turn to the left… now turn to the right. I digress.
Seek balance. Strive to be authentic.
Click here to watch a six-minute video clip, highlighting some key points in my talk. My hubby and his partner, Patrick, will think the video quality is not the best, but in a YouTube world, we can now get away with it! Maybe I should have used Go To Team?
I’m gearing up for the Women in Business Conference and here’s where I am so far:
PowerPoint- check
Great new outfit- check
Presentation memorized- uh… I’m getting there.
I just checked the event website, and it’s SOLD OUT. Whoo hoo. That’s amazing. Apparently these women don’t know we’re in a down economy. Or perhaps they do. And they’re keeping their dreams and professional aspirations alive anyway. Kudos. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome!
And no worries about the whole “memorizing” thing… those years in TV helped me develop my ad libbing chops. Plus, I know what I want to say. I truly believe in the presentation I’ve prepared for the fantastic women who will sit in my audience. The topic is “Refreshing Your Professional Image”, and Image Consultant, Shauna Heathman and I are thankful to the Center for Women for the opportunity to share our insights.
Much of my talk (and this blog, for that matter) is centered around the concept of redefining our concept of success and embracing our authenticity. The truth is, my own resume reads like a mystery novel. The journey from TV anchor to life coach to writer, speaker and aspiring author has been a curious maze, and there have been times (many, many times) I have questioned my own path and my purpose.
But what I have learned, and what I will share with these women, is that once you commit to the journey– discovering what you’ve been put on earth to do, your authentic path will reveal itself, one step at a time. We don’t get a crystal ball to see how it will all “work out,” and that’s the point. When we get too caught up in our plans, we miss the magic.
While I was preparing my talk, I ran across some great quotes I want to share that contain the essence of what I’m saying:
“Every decision you make – every decision – is not a decision about What to do. It’s a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.” – Neale Donald Walsch, Author of Conversations with God
Some from Eleanor Roosevelt:
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized either way.”
And a few from Henry Ford:
“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience and ability.”
“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”
And finally, I want to share this blog post, by author Katherine Center. Whether you’re a parent, or not, this post reminds us of the importance of feeling the love in everything we do. Click here to read: “Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.”
I hope this finds you feeling the love.
Angie
34 is an interesting time in my life. I have noticed over the past few years, I’m more willing to welcome the age I’m becoming, instead of mourning the age I’ll no longer be. I began to see I’m not losing anything; I bring all my wisdom and experiences to each new day. Blowing out another candle is a sign that we are adding to the fullness and richness of our lives.
I recall in my early 20′s, fresh out of college and just beginning my trek up the ladder of success, I thought if I worked hard enough and didn’t mess anything up, I would continue to advance to a new rung, year after year. I thought by the time I was 30, I would have it all figured out. I would have achieved professional and personal success and then– only then– could I begin to live happily ever after.
Based on this logic, you can understand that I never expected to do anything other than what I set out to do. I never imagined, then, I would eventually grow and change and would want something more meaningful and fulfilling for my life. Rapidly approaching my “success deadline” I found myself at a crossroads:
Option one: suck it up and stay the course. (After all, I had already put so much time and energy into this… certainly I could figure out a way to make it work, right?)
Or option two: allow myself to imagine a new path. A path where I was happy and fulfilled. A path that fully expressed my passions and gave me the space to continue to explore and honor the real me.
For the record, I chose option two.
Back then, I thought success was a destination— a magical place only few would find. Upon my arrival, I told myself, I would finally be happy. As I desperately clung to each rung of the ladder, I began to realize that what I was striving for would always be just beyond my grasp.
That’s when I opened my eyes to what I believe are universal truths: I am not stuck; I always have choices. I am called to discover my purpose. I can do that by recognizing when I feel the most alive (like right now, writing this blog post) and opening myself up to new opportunities that reveal themselves to me each day. And most importantly, true happiness is found in the present moment. In striving for some magic “it”… I was truly missing it. I was missing this moment. I was missing my life.
As I blow out my candles tomorrow, I will acknowledge that I never imagined that I would be in this place, at this time in my life. And I never imagined I would feel so blessed. I write this to encourage you. Not to do it my way. To do it your way.
Write your own story. Define your own success.
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