What to do when your writing gets personal

Started the book. 😭 I had no idea you went though all that!! I would never have imagined you were dealing with that in high school. You did a great job of pushing through. Can’t wait to continue the story. I teared up multiple times already!

I received that text from a friend earlier this week. She’s reading my book and gifted it to some women in her leadership training group. She’s invited me to come speak to them at an upcoming meeting.

Here’s one thing I’ll talk to them about: The person we present to others when we’re out in the world (even if it’s an authentic version of ourselves) is not the whole story. It’s never the entire story. There’s so much more to us than what the world sees.

The part that no one sees could be what breaks us or what helps us rise.

I was speaking at the library right after my book came out, and a man asked me, “How did you write something so personal?”

Every now and then, I get some version of this question. Some are just curious. Some wonder about my motives, believing that what happens behind closed doors is nobody’s business. And others, usually fellow writers, are grappling with the truth about their own lives that they’ve kept locked inside.

So perhaps when people ask me how I wrote something so personal, they really want to know, “How could you publish it?”

Over the years, I’ve discovered that while it’s therapeutic to write, the real magic happens when you revise. The deeper you go into revisions, the more you begin to consider other people’s points of view. The more you begin to understand their actions and reactions, as you try to make sense of your own. If you peel back the layers and stay with it, you’ll get to a version of the story that feels true to you—the emotional truth. You’ll get clarity, gain compassion, heal yourself, and become your own friend in the process.

And sometimes, you’ll discover that you’ve written something that other people might need to read.

Sharing our stories may not be the only way to collective healing, but it’s one way.

On the podcast this week, I share the question that changed my life. I go deeper into why I wrote the book—the change that occurred that helped me know I needed to share my story. I also talk about paying attention to what feels heavy—what are you holding on to that you don’t want to let go of? How would it feel to release it? How would your life change if you just let it go?

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