Can you imagine turning 4 and it snowing on your birthday? In a place where it hardly ever snows? Best. party. ever. You can see it on my son's face as he fell to ground, exhausted from a snowball fight. My little snow angel, living in the moment. You want to know where I was? Inside the house. Stressing out.
The snow had thrown off my entire plan. The night before I was worried about plan B (what was plan B???) if the roads iced over. Do I cancel the party? How will we get the pizza? What about the cake? Will Publix be open? What happens if the baker gets snowed in? I felt like each tiny detail hinged on the other, and I was trying to control all of it. After all, it was my son's birthday. It's supposed to be fun, right?
The morning of the party, the snow had stopped, the roads were open and the makers of cake and pizza were hard at work. The guests were on their way. Just a few minutes into the party, as I was about to start the games, I noticed a bunch of our guests putting on their coats.
What? You all just got here. Where is everyone going?
Someone announced, "Snowball fight!" And the pack was out the door, leaving me holding the donkey's tail. My games were lame, and I felt silly for trying so hard. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to run outside and join the fun. I'm not sure why. But I know when I look back on the whole thing now, I realize I missed an opportunity to be happy.
Yesterday, while listening to the radio, I heard James Blunt's You're Beautiful, and it reminded me of when I was pregnant with my son. The song was popular at the time, and for a moment, I could remember driving down the road, listening to those words and feeling him growing inside my belly.
In just a couple of weeks, he'll turn five. It's a big deal. I'm planning another celebration. I'm not sure if there's a stress-free way to plan a party for lots of children. But this post isn't about kid birthday parties. It's about how I resisted change. How I couldn't let go of an old idea and embrace what was right in front of me.
Has that ever happened to you?