Let go of the timeline

Looking at the photo of me on my first birthday, I see not much has changed. I’ve always loved my birthday. And blowing out the candles. And cake.

Earlier this month, I blew out the candles for the 48th time.

A funny thing I’ve noticed: I’ve been saying I’m 48 for months. When does that happen? When do we start promoting ourselves to the next age, before we even get there? I think at some point we begin to lose count.

Another thing I’ve noticed about aging is how it shapes our identity and how sometimes, we put ourselves and others in a box based on how old we are.

When I was in my 20s and new in my broadcast journalism career, getting older worked to my advantage. I had more experience, no longer considered green. I gained credibility. My phone calls requesting interviews were returned more quickly. People stopped treating me like a kid.

Then, as I approached 30, I was gripped with a sense of pressure and panic. There were so many things I’d expected to accomplish by that age. I’d checked some boxes. But other boxes remained unchecked. I was suddenly in a rush, fearing if I didn’t hurry up, I’d miss the proverbial boat.

Those arbitrary timelines and deadlines—completely made up by society—are still in place. So many of us wonder, is it too late for me?

Now, approaching 50, I notice that the ads on Instagram aren’t really marketing their products to me even though I still use them. But who gets to decide that I’m not the target demo?

I feel compassion for my younger self. I know why she was in a panic. It wasn't all in her head. There are still plenty of gatekeepers out there who want to tell us that time's up. And yet, here I am, still out there pursuing my dreams like a 30 year old.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that I am the gatekeeper of my own life.

And you are the gatekeeper of yours.

Recently, I went to a writers’ retreat. Our ages spanned decades. On the first night, we talked about our goals and intentions for the retreat and for our writing in general. There were no timelines there, no one saying it's too late to publish that essay, or that book. These women are doing the thing.

Yes, there's also an awareness of our own mortality. We collectively agree: It’s time to stop putting off the business of living our life. Even though life is so very hard sometimes.

There’s a lot I don’t know. Life continues to be a mystery and maze with happy surprises mixed in. But if I want to get all Oprah about it and state something I know for sure: It's wise to let go of the timelines set in place by society that do nothing but steal our joy.

Maybe we can’t single-handedly change the system. But we can shift our mindset. We can be confident in who we are, what we have to offer, how we want to serve, and our inherent worth.

I want to encourage anyone who needs to hear it: Let go of any belief that says you’re too old, or that you’re too young, to do this or that. Unless you’re my teenager, then you still have a curfew. Standard rules apply.

But even to my children, I say this: Do your own thing. Pave your own way. That’s my wish.

I believe in you.