The art of taking care of you

This week singer Shawn Mendes postponed his world tour to focus on his mental health. Mendes said that being on the road was taking a toll and he'd reached a breaking point.

This news was on my radar because I was planning to take my daughter to his concert in the fall.

It was also on my radar because I know what it feels like to reach a breaking point. I walked away from my career in television news because my own mental health was at risk.

That was a long time ago, but the decision changed how I work, how I parent, and how I live my life.

Back then, I was living a life where there were no boundaries separating my life and work. I felt like I was always on call and could never let my guard down, or God forbid, put my phone away. (Back then it was one of those Nextel phones that doubled as a walkie-talkie and beeped when the message was urgent. Everything was urgent.)

Many issues were coming from the top down. Even in the fast-paced world of television news, where we know what we’re getting into when we sign up for the job, on the management side of things there was room for improvement.

Still, I take full responsibility for the role I played in that system, living a life where success and self-worth and people-pleasing were all mixed up together.

When I look back, I can see how I’d been shushing my inner voice for a long time. The one telling me that my priorities were shifting and it was time for a change.

I’d worked hard to get where I was, and in the beginning, I needed to prove to myself that I had what it takes to make it. I needed to know for myself that I had moxie, grit. Knowing that about myself has continued to serve me well in my life.

In the last year of my career, I remember driving home from a breaking news story at 4:00 a.m. I looked at the digital clock blinking back at me and asked myself, What are you doing?

I changed my life when I realized I didn’t have anything left to prove. 

Today, I understand that some seasons are busier than others. I ask myself often, “How can I keep showing up without burning out?” I take breaks and make adjustments.

I’m more likely to say no when something doesn’t feel right, even if I don’t have a good, logical reason for it.

I’m still not great at predicting how much time something will take and sometimes I overcommit, so I’m learning to give myself grace.

When we give ourselves grace, we give others permission to do the same for themselves.

I’ve found that the people who need this message are the ones who already have a strong work ethic. The people who don’t want to let anyone down. I’ve learned that people who beat themselves up for dropping the ball are already juggling many.

I’m glad we’re talking about mental health. I’m glad we’re having open conversations about the things we need to do on a daily basis to keep ourselves feeling internally regulated.

There’s no shame in taking care of you.

We don’t take care of ourselves simply so we can take care of others. That’s a good reason, but it’s not the only one.

We take care of ourselves because we don’t have to earn our self-worth.

We’re allowed to feel awake and alive.

We take care of ourselves because we matter and we’re worth it.