It's the little things...
I’m back from my blogging break. I mentioned in my last post I was going to take some time off for about “a week or so,” and one week turned into three. It was a conscious choice, but it wasn’t easy to give myself permission to take a break.
Do you ever feel that way? You’re tired, but you keep telling yourself, “I have to do just one more thing, and then I can relax.” [Read more...]
When I was four months pregnant with baby Blake (who at almost 10 months and 24 lbs is probably ready for a new nickname) I attended a book writing workshop in California. I blogged about the experience:
The opportunity to fly cross-country to attend the workshop fell into my lap. It stood there staring at me, all doors open, not one roadblock in sight. We even had Sky Miles to pay for my flight! News about the workshop appeared just hours after I had gotten really honest with myself. I was on the phone with my mom one morning, and I told her, “I need to do this (write). I want to do this. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of opening the box. I’m afraid of getting lost in my thoughts.” What will happen if I finally did what my soul has been calling me to do all along?
Two years ago I started a blog. And as I wrote each post, I felt myself come alive. At first, I ignored this feeling and criticized myself for spending time on something that wasn’t making money or moving my professional life forward. I told myself I was procrastinating… using the blog to distract myself from whatever else I was supposed to be doing.
Fortunately, I had reached a place in my personal growth that I finally realized something. I wasn’t created to be miserable. I believe the things we love to do are clues. They guide us on our path. They are gentle reminders of the direction we should take.
So over the past two years, I have embraced an important truth. I wear a lot of hats, but I’m a writer at heart. As I express myself with words, I heal and inspire myself… and I hope my readers walk away from my posts feeling a little better than when they came.
I also realized that when you’ve been blogging for two years… you actually have enough material for a Greatest Hits album! Or something like that.
I turned 34 and 35, confronted my inner perfectionist by revealing my top 3 embarrassing moments, and vowed to Write the Damn Book. One of my essays was published in Moxie, I got pregnant with my second child who took up so much room in my belly I could have sworn he was Yao Ming. Finally, I gave birth to sweet baby Blake. Then, I erased the videos. (I got them back.) But the emotional experience reminded me, once again, to live in the moment.
I started writing for Hybrid Mom. I partied like it was 2009. One of my essays was published on Yahoo! Shine and the haters had a field day. I launched a new blog to support all the other Not So Supermom’s out there.
Over the next month, I’m going to share some of my favorite posts from the early days, back when I had about 5 (loyal) readers.
Today, my readership has grown, and I am filled with so much gratitude. Receiving your comments never stops being cool. You are the fuel that inspires me to do what (I believe) I was created to do. Write. Tell my stories and share them with the world.
The journey is so much more fun with all of you by my side. Thank you.
Angie
For as long as I’ve been blogging (coming up on two years) I have never written something that has generated 50+ comments. That is, until recently, when one of the essays I wrote for Hybrid Mom was posted on the front page of the parenting section of Shine.
I wrote it many months ago, when baby Blake was barely out of the womb and Dillon was adjusting to being a big brother and learning how to share his mommy’s attention. And I, despite my “village” of support was struggling to find a new routine.
So I wrote about the experience. I picked a slice of my life and turned it into a story. I poked fun at myself. I exposed my insecurities and my strengths. And I hope, I encouraged so many moms out there who may have been struggling with their choices. To remind them that they’re doing okay.
This weekend, as I discovered the article on Shine and watched the comments pouring in, I had to dig down deep and remind myself why I choose to tell stories about my life and to practice what I preach. Many of the comments were supportive. Some were indifferent. But the critics, although currently the minority, were harsh.
“Be an adult!”
“Loser!”
“B**ch!”
Those were the among the worst. Other critics wrote things I had actually thought myself:
“You sound a little self-centered.”
“You showed your son that when things get tough it’s okay to quit.”
“The problem is YOU! Get it together. Learn how to plan better.”
Others debated the merits of preschool, which wasn’t really my point, but they were within their right to do, and I understand why my story would initiate that conversation. One of my goals as a writer is to build a community of like-minded people. I do not expect everyone to agree with everything I write. In fact, I love discussions with different points of view. Especially when they come from a foundation of respect.
But hatred doesn’t sit well with me. I have a feeling in this new media, where writers can publish their work online and readers have instant access to respond however they wish, this is only the beginning.
In the meantime, I want to leave you with a couple of quotes. The first one arrived today from Angel Roberts, the instructor of Daniel Island Hip Hop. (As a total aside, her class is FU-UN!)
Angel wrote:
You all have such power within you. By sharing your joy, giving your love and standing firm as your true and beautiful selves, refusing to be changed by the world —we WILL change the world— if only a little at a time.
Since Friday, this quote from Marianne Williamson has been on my mind. This one really resonates with my soul. I hope it inspires you as much as it does me.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I have this habit of writing things and forgetting I wrote them. This morning, I picked up the journal that sits at my bedside table and started flipping through the pages. My first reaction was, I wrote that? When did I write that?
I’m always impressed by my stream-of-consciousness writing… it’s full of insight. The words are rough and uncensored, but they make perfect sense. They remind me that truth resides within, and connecting with the truth always leads [Read more...]
I know when I start leaving car doors open, I’m experiencing extreme overload. Several times, over the past several weeks, my neighbors have discovered the same scene: [Read more...]
I’ve always wanted to vlog, so here’s my first stab at it. In this video, I discuss the creative process and how I got started on my journey of writing a book.
If you don’t see the video player, you can click here to watch it.
I haven’t forgotten I owe you an update on MyMeWriMo. I’m not attempting to tease you. There will be no grand reveal: Surprise! I wrote a whole book in one month, and I’m searching for an agent now!
Not. But I did make progress and have some interesting revelations to share. I’ll get to that later this week.
First, I want to reassess why I’m even here, posting regular updates on this blog, in the first place. I relaunched the blog in May, with the tag line “under the MAC,” to document my journey as a writer and my quest to write a book. I wanted to blog with a purpose– to reveal my authentic voice, the many layers that make up the writer and woman. I also aspired to be mildly entertaining and to show you the ”real me” without making you gag from TMI.
As I dug deeper and deeper into my story, I knew I would encounter periods of creative flow and periods of stagnation. I would confront my angels and my demons. This blog is where I would share some of what of learned, my lessons and my insights, with you.
And, I think for the most part, I’ve done that.
I dance between my inner and my outer world… my desire to perform… my desire to look within. It’s all about balance… caring for mind, body and spirit. It’s about learning to feel whole, living this life to the full, with a sense of meaning and purpose.
So in the new year, I’ve reconnected with my commitment to the blog, to the book and to you, my dear readers and friends. I thank you for joining me on my journey, drawing your own conclusions/inspiration/entertainment from my hopefully not-so-random musings.
Do you have a vision for the new year? Share them with me! I’m not scared to pull out my pom poms and do a little cheer.
If you’re like me, you’re having a small panic attack that the end of the year is pretty much here. Rather than doing the healthy thing– put all my big ideas and projects on hold until January 1– I think I can cram a bunch of stuff in at the last minute. Drama! And there’s no need, really.
Which leads me to a perfect segway for my essay roundup… I’m sneaky like that:
I almost named this essay at Hybrid Mom Crazy? or Patient? Instead, I went with Breathe. Be Happy. Click here to read about a game I play that keeps me in touch with my inner “Ommmmmm”
It was bound to happen eventually… Baby Blake has kicked his momma out of her office. Find out how I’m faring at the kitchen table in WAHM Gets Demoted. (That’s work-at-home-mom for those not versed in mommy jargon)
In Stay? Go? How Do You Know? I explore the inevitable changes we face in life, and how we must reconcile who we were then, who we are now, and who we are becoming.
And finally, over at the Little Black Book, I offer some tips to Reclaim Your Holiday Spirit. Let me know if they work!
Today, I’m honored to be featured over at The Sassy Steel Magnolia. My assignment: talk about a time when one of my secret sides revealed itself… how it happened and how I came to terms with it.
Last week, I declared my commitment to writing my story. Today, I take you on the road, to the time when my old life began to unravel, the catalyst for where I am, and who I am, now.
Follow me to The Sassy Steel Magnolia by clicking here.
ps- be sure to check out The SSM tomorrow– I’m selecting the mid-week music snack!
